"Malskeys" The Musical

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin layed an egg....

2009-12-17T04:55:00.003+01:00

We had the cutest bunch of Carolers come to the front door and sing for me tonight... too bad I was the only one home to enjoy it.... They were little kids with a few adults and a guitar... I loved it! It TOTALLY made my night!!

Crane Lake...

2009-12-10T19:57:00.002+01:00

is a more expensive wine that we mere mortals can now afford because the husband and wife who co-own it are getting a divorce.. The wife owns the land and the husband owns the company.. and in an effort to screw over his soon to be ex wife he has dropped the 25 dollar bottle of wine to a measly 5 dollars a bottle... taking some serious profits away from her...

It's a California Napa Valley winery... and it is some good shit... Still feeling the effects this morning... or afternoon... whichever...

I was feeling them this morning though when I got up at 6:30am to drive my mom to work and then an hour later to Hail Stone to school... THEENNN I passed out between my parents soft sheets... heaven...

Now I am going to make us (My BBFF who helped consume the wine with me last night) a greasy lunch of sausage eggs and bacon... I was going to make us some greek food but I need more oil than that...... MUCH more...

So on that note... I am off to cook up some goodness...

xxox

Glad to be back...

Eggs

2009-12-09T07:17:00.002+01:00

No, not Easter eggs...

MY eggs...

Like the ones that make you cramp like a bitch, crave chocolate and then leak out your vagina hole after they aren't fertilized...

Yeah...... THOSE eggs...

I am thinking about donating mine...

I am having a hard time finding a job because I am currently mobilely challenged... As in I don't have a car nor do I plan on purchasing one because I am going back to Europe... Soooo... finding a job to make me some mula is proving to be a challange...

It's not that I won't be making money... It's that what I am doing right now is something that will produce the fruits of my labor at a much later date... no pun intended...

And I don't feel like waiting that long...

I have always lacked patience... oops??

This is a good idea.... an easy way to make some quick money... BUT, there would be a part of me out in the world... a part of me I would have nothing to do with... and I am not sure if I am okay with that...

I will debate it with my Mom tomorrow...

Have opinions? Please feel free to express them!

As for me? I am great... MORE than great... Currently home in The States, enjoying my time with family and friends... But missing the hell out of Europe and all my friends and family there...

I will be back to blogging a bit... So.... YAY?? hehehehe....

xxox,
Mal

Packtastic

2009-06-17T14:15:00.002+02:00

I'm sitting in my room amoungst all of my shit... Books, clothes, shoes, drawings, writings, music, bike shit and a million bags and suit cases... fuckitall...

I'm packing for my trip to Venice in a few days... Then I have to throw all that in my Greece suitcase which is already semi packed with Greece stuff AND with stuff I am not taking to Greece but have to put somewhere while my carryon is being used... My black box is filled with books books and MORE books, many of which I will not be taking home with me... and it also has winter stuff in it... Heavy fucking winter shit... UGHHH The winters here are HELL... And while packing for Venice I have half a bag full of everything I want to take for. a. WEEK.

HALF a bag... a carryon... HALF.... Soooooooo nice to be packing summer wear now! SO SO SO SO nice... Packing for a week of winter was HELL... Because with all the thick shit you have to wear then I never had enough room for an actual weeks worth of clothes... I always came home smelly and dirty... Granted I had a fucking blast, but still...

So yeah... packing... I'm about to go outside and sit in the sun for an hour... Since is the first time in 2 and a half weeks we've truly SEEN the sun, I think I deserve it...

I am also getting rid of clothes... Gonna drop them off at a thrift store tomorrow like someone leaves a baby at an orphanage... without the note, of course...

So yeah... This week is packtastic... Friday I load all my shit into a car and move to my Other German familys... Then that night I head to Oldenburg for my farewell drinks... Stay the weekend with Tini and then head to Bremen to catch my flight to VENNNIICEE!! After Venice I get back with A DAY to (hopefully) do laundry and re-pack my Greece bag and organize my shit in Vonnies room and then we leave for GREEECE!!! and I have no idea when I come back to Germany for my flight back to the states... I haven't booked anything yet because the Convict and I have talked about travelling before I head back for about two weeks... I am thinking Spain since I will have already done Italy, and the girl LOOOOVES Spain... So yeah... I might be rushing home the night before my flight home and frantically getting the rest of my shit together while going through everything deciding on WHAT ELSE to leave behind...

Crazy times y'all... and I wouldn't trade if for nuttin!

Like I said, Packtastic!

Sir Pervsalot!

2009-06-15T15:42:00.003+02:00

This past Saturday Vonnie and I went to Oldenburg and chilled... Eating a nice lunch, doing some shopping and just having fun in general... I was feeling particularly boisterous (spelling? oh fuckitall my spell check is messed up and I'm lazy) and I was chatting up anyone and everyone... Random person staring at me? Let me nickname you and ask you questions in Germish... People who just ran over my toe with their bike? Now I shall curse you in Spanish... It was fun.... to say the least... ;)

As we are walking through the city center an older man walked by us and turned and kept staring.. just as he was turning around I hollered at him "Hey old man!" He turned around and decided he wanted to talk... So we introduced ourselves and Von was weirded out by my whole, talking to strangers "bit", and I found out that he thought I should know better German after living here 7 months... Shitballs I know that... He thought it was cool, all the travelling we do... He spoke to me mostly IN german... I learned he was in the medical field and was in O-Town for the weekend at a conference... We were walking to meet my friend Ale so when the old dude stopped at a restuarant to eat we parted ways...

Ale, Von and I set up shop at one of my favorite cocktail bars... They are huge, cheap and the bartenders aren't stingy with the ~~meds~~ alcohol... It is also where we will be having my farewell drinks Friday.... Fuck, I leave this place soon... AHHHH... (I should be packing right now... LOL)

So after old dude was done eating we saw him and I waved him over and invited him to join us for a drink until we had to leave to meet yet another friend... He again talked to me in German, and I am capable of understanding 75 percent of it even if I don't have the vocabulary skills to keep up with my replies... Then we left, and I told him we'd be out later if he was still awake and wanted company... (I am my mothers daughter after all... making friends with slightly interesting pervy old men in all of 5 seconds by calling them old men... or did I simply mean to say I have her people skills? not sure... whatever...)

So we head out later that night just Von and I back to our favorite cocktail place... and 30 minutes later? who should come along... but the old guy... Oh and old guy has a name, BTW, it was Luigi... Yeah, color me pink and make me laugh... He was GERMAN.... not Italian... and when he introduced himself Von could here the mario brothers theme song going through her head... do do do dodododo do do do do do do do do do.... hhehehehehe...

So in exchange for some convo and me allowing him to ogle my legs (I had changed into a short dress that covered my hoo hahs...) We got us some free drinks from the random old guy... So the next time you see some harmless old perve, perving you in the city center... Simply holler out "Hey old man" in your language of choice and prepare to have an interesting time...

There is my weird Old Guy story...

Saturday was really great though... Many awesome moments WITHOUT Old guy pervsalot... and some with too... hehe...

how was everyones weekend? What did ya do? Did you do some perving yourself?? Anyone get luckycharmed in their trousers? I will be this summer... eventually... Just gotta keep looking forward to the end of that rainbow with its giant pot of condoms!! Woot Woot!!

One week till Venice... TWO weeks till Greece!!

Life is great!

P.S. I didn't proof read, yes I know it shows, no I don't give a shit... I gots to start PACKING... I nove out of this house in like FOUR days... AHHHHHH...

Dust in the wind

2009-06-12T15:54:00.002+02:00

Anyone going to be in Venice June 22nd -29th and want to meet up?? I am one lucky SOB... My parents put some money in my checking account for my birthday since I honestly had no idea what I wanted and with it I bought myself round trip tickets to Venice... for $136.76.... Yeah... That's all it cost... SAWEET!! Granted I will be paying train faires to the airports and back... but all I hear when I think about that is the Charlie Browns Adult voices going "Wahwahwah wah wah wahwah wah..."

I have been trying to visit my friend who lives there for YEARS now, whether she is in the states at the time or not... Plus, I left a little piece of my heart in Venice... The city is amazing and I am thrilled to have so much more time to spend in it! I will be getting my German mum something lovely from Murano while I am there, she will simply love it!... I am SOOO glad to be going back to Venice... I wanted to go to Italy hard core before I went back to The States this time... AND, that means when The Convict and I do our travelling at the end of October we can just decide to go to Spain like I already know she wants to... That girl loves Spain like I love Italy... So we will be settled... and on my next trip to Europe I will be sure to see more of Italy than just Venice... because there is a great big world out there y'all... a GREAT BIG ONE... and I want to see all of it... I haven't even touched the tip of the iceburg (berg? no, burg is right... I think)

I still have Portugal, Czech Rep, Spain, Turkey*, Greece*, India, Russia, Japan, China, Korea, Isreal, Australia, Brazil, Egypt, Malaysia, Switzerland, England, Scotland, Ireland, Finland, Estonia, Peru, Venezuela, Indonesia, Phillipines, Morocco, Algeria, Peru, Costa Rica, New Zealand, Madagascar and SOOOOO many more...

There are so many things to experience, bugs to eat, people to meet, sights to see and make you feel like you are truly part of some greater cosmic theme... and I will do it all!! Who wants to join me?? After Australia and then America again I am thinking about doing a big biking trip, where is still to be decided... So yeah, you don't have to be a millionaire to do it... I travel on the skin of my chinny chin chin and I wouldn't have it any other way for where I am in life right now... It is perfect!!

Hope you guys have a GREAT weekend! I am going to Hamburg tomorrow to see some of the city and party my little ass off... maybe even get some ass... xxox

Mal

Rain, rain, go away, come again another day... like after I leave German... Thanks...

2009-06-11T13:31:00.002+02:00

I. am. so. tired. of. this. shitty. ass. weather....

UGHHH....

It has been cloudy and raining almost constantly for the last week... I am at my wits end... It doesn't even storm properly... Just... rains...

I miss the sun.. I miss laying outside in my swimmers and reading a good book... I miss the lake...

I only have about 9 or 10 days of living at my current location left... Then after another 10 days I will be in GREECE!! and. I. can't. WAIT!!!

I am ready... I am going to start packing my bags today... I already have a pile of shit I am completely getting rid of, I just need to find something to do with it... Probably give it to the Thrift store ladies that I like...

I have spent 220 days in this country... I have 145 days left before I am home again... That's not a lot... and I plan to enjoy it all!

"PRIEKA!!"

Shlim Shlam Shlum!

2009-06-10T10:37:00.003+02:00

I had a GRRRRRRRREAT birthday!! Thank you to all who wished me well! I appreciate you all!

There are only 21 more days until I leave for Greece... TWENTY... ONE... DIAS!!! (Don't know where the spanish came from considering I have been immersed in Schnitzel land for over SEVEN months, but alas, my mind works in strange and mysterious ways)

I am TRULY looking forward to Greece... Vonnie is coming with me for 2 weeks and The Convict is there! She's found me a place to stay and is working on a job.... The one I was offered might still be available too... and I plan on busking (singing on the streets)... I am ready... OH so ready, to be there!

To enjoy the 40 degree weather and swim in the ocean...

And I'm looking into tickets to go to Venice for a week and visit my good friend who lives there... So much to do in so little time!! Lovin life! I am LOVIN life!!

Happy Birthday............

2009-06-08T13:08:00.003+02:00

To me!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Happy Birthday to MALLLSSKKKEYYYSS!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

I have to say that even though this is one of the roughest years, and one of the roughest birthdays, I still would not wish to experience it in any other way. I have met some of the greatest people.. I have learned just how much I truly appreciate and love my family and friends... and how very loved I am..

You all are amazing and I am truly blessed to know each of you!

xxox,
Mal

I love Popcorn!

2009-06-06T14:26:00.003+02:00

It's my birthday in 2 more sleeps and it has never felt less like a birthday to me, ever...

I love my life and all the oppurtunities I have... but I do miss my family, especially on birthdays and holidays...

I've almost been in denial that I am having a birthday...

What amuses me though is that most people think I am freaking out because I am turning 24... and while that age might surprise me... becuase I still don't really feel like a grown up and I am now convinced that people never truly feel like they are grown up.. But I am freaked because this is the weirdest birthday experience ever... weirder than celebrating my 21st with a glass of milk at Miss OK...

It also doesn't help that I am really ready for change... I am ready to be in Greece... I was ready to be there last week! MORE than ready...

So yeah... I've been on the whiney express this week and I am done... I am done feeling sorry for myself... I am living the life... and in a few short months, 5 to be exact, I will be on a long ass plane ride back to the states for a nice long visit with family and friends... I will be doing laundry and cooking in MY KITCHEN!!! I will be biking to see friends and bumming rides! I will be finding a part time job to have a little money on the side and get a ticket to Australia.. I. will. be. eating. MEXICAN FOOD!!

But until then? I am living it up... I am still a mother fucking rockstar!!!

Tonight we are going out... Then Sunday we are going on a short biking tour to Rastede again... and on Monday I am celebrating my birthday with some retail therapy and a nice dinner with friends...

Next weekend I am going to Hamburg for some PARTAYING and some sight seeing... and to get back some of The Convicts stuff from Saffa...

Weekend after? I have no idea... and the last weekend before I leave for Greece will be my Fare thee well drinks with all my German friends.... We will party long into the night and I will make out with guys drunkenly.... (and I only say that because I know Timmy will be there and I tend to make out with The Timmy when I am drunk... through no fault of my own...)

Also? I wanted to say something about the American Economy... I know that it is affecting everyone.. Everywhere I look there is another family touched by the horrid unemployment that keeps hitting our job sources, and it sucks... My Dad is now Mr. Mom and my mom is working again... Some people are working but have no pay check coming in... It's down right depressing... But ya know what? We have eachother... Money comes and money goes... Material possessions only go so far in the battle to our happiness.. The true happiness comes from sitting down to a family dinner... Swinging on the porch swing with a hot cup of tea and chatting with your mom.. Playing Trivia games and catching your Dad cheating every. single. time... That is happiness.. So stick to your loved ones.. support eachother and eventually we will all get through these hard times together! shinier than ever and ready to face the world... Because like my Daddyo says.. "What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.." The End...

So yeah... I am ready to go to Greece and commence my career as a beach bum! Oh so ready!

xxoxoxoxox!

Mal

One of my arms is tanner than the other... and I don't even have a car windowsill to blame...

2009-05-29T15:56:00.003+02:00

This weekend is going to be great... I can feel it in my bones... In about an hour I am going to bike 20km into Oldenburg for a nice authentic italian dinner with my friends turned family... I say authentic because my friend Ale is cooking it and he's Italian.. I'm one lucky bitch right? Right!

THEN I have a long weekend... like a 4 day weekend.... AGAIN.. last weekend was almost a 5 day weekend... and then NEXT weekend? is a 3 day weekend... because they are giving me my birthday off... Woop Woop!! Gotta love my life!

Also? I have another summer option... My friend The Convict is working in Greece at a hotel and has fallen in love with a bar there in Kos... The owners love her and offered her a job for next summer and told her they wished she could work this summer... She suggested me... So I might be moving to Greece for about 4 months to work in a bar... in an Australian bar... hehehe..

The options that keep popping up around me are amazing... and crazy... and I will still bike Europe... but I do have to admit that I would prefer to have a partner with me the entire 4 months AND a better budget... So if the Greece thing pans out... That's where I'm going... plus, it's Greece... and I will be going to Turkey because the island is only 30 minutes away from it by ferry...

But currently I am "stressing" my seester Rae out because she needs to buy a ticket and doesn't know where to by it to... and even though she was supposed to buy tickets to Venice for August 2 months ago... I think this is that fate thing everyone talks about stepping in and taking the reigns so I can have an awestacular time in Greece... with my seester visiting me there too!! and with my Convict... It has been hard with her gone... I love my friends here... but that little bitch and I clicked in a weird way... I'm just grateful to have all the friends I do.. They are amazing!

So yeah... awesome weekend... Wonder what will pop up... hehehe... I'm going to get trashed on Italian wine tonight... then lay out all day tomorrow in the hot hot sun!

Love you miss you!!!

Mal

Peace, Love and Bunny Sex....

2009-05-26T18:32:00.003+02:00

Lately I have been incredibly homesick... I am going on my 7th month of living here... My birthday is in 2 weeks and those are always a special day to spend with the family, goofing around and wearing funny hats... My summer adventure can't come soon enough... another month and I will be off.... Just me, my bike and a panoramic view of the world through the eyes of an idealist!

I am truly looking forward to this summer! I think some of the reason I am missing home so much right now is because I am living on 60 euros a month.... That leaves very little money for travel... very very little... What sustains me is the fact that, even though a tiny miniscule part of myself is terrified of doing that which I have never done before, the rest of me is rip roaring MAD with excitement! The people I am going to meet.. The adventures I am going to have and the SIGHTS I am going to see are going to be amazing...

And I can't wait to conquer one more unknown... One more goal....

I might be slightly down right now, missing my family and friends back in the states... Missing my Dog like crazy... Seriously.. I can't wait to see my Reagie Poo... But the life I am living is amazing... it's breathtaking... I constantly stop and smell the roses... I take in the sun and plan continuous vacations... I meet up with friends and have a beer.. I have no bills or true monetary obligations.. I am living my dream... I have time to write... To work on my art and fully process my ideas and visions... I have time to journal and capture all of the memories and moments..

And? I have absolutely fallen in love with cycling... I've got my groove... I practically meditate and feel one with the Universe... It's euphoric... I totally get what runners are always prattling on about how they get in the "Zone"... It's like a freaking drug.. and I love it!

So yeah... I've got it good... But I still miss my family... I miss family dinners and wino nights with the Boy best friend.... I miss my dog and lazy days on the boat... I miss Mexican food and REAL BBQ's.... I miss being in charge of the kitchen and teasing my seesters.... But ya know what I truly do realize? I'm pretty fucking lucky to have all of that to miss, as well as have all of this to enjoy...

P.S. I love Thunderstorms and woke up to an amazing one this morning....

P.P.S. I am horny as HELL lately...

P.P.P.S. I also miss you guys...

P.P.P.P.S. LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Apparently

2009-05-21T16:58:00.002+02:00

I am a nut case...

but I don't recall carrying nuts around inside myself...

yeah, I occassionally joke about having figurative balls of steel... but those are just imaginary.....

and I carry them around... in my hands... or my purse... NOT in myself, as Von so casually suggested...

I just thought I would clear the air on this subject...

Now you don't have to wonder if I am the glasses case equivalent of a nut carrier....

I am not...

Thank you and good day sir!

Letting go

2009-05-14T15:11:00.003+02:00

grabbing my hands and raising them above my head I new I should have felt vulnerable... I was completely naked.... While his hard body beared down over mine... He was still clothed... The top few buttons on his shirt were open from where my hands had been busily undressing him before he took control... I could feel the rasp of his jean clad knee between my thighs as he gently parted them...

I was staring at him.. I couldn't look away... He was completely in control and I was powerless to stop him... Not just because he was restraining me... but because for once I wasn't playing the dominant role, and as it turns out, I really liked it.... I liked it a lot...

I could feel the heat course through my body... Drawing tighter to every part of my body he touched with his gaze... He was drinking me in with his eyes.. Like an alcoholic being shoved into a bar for the first time in years... He was barely restraining himself and the most feminine part of me delighted in seeing his muscles strain... to see his jaw work to contain his raw passion...

wiggling myself a little lower I rubbed my pulsing core against his hard thight... making a little purring sound in the back of my throat, I had never heard before, as I implored him to touch me with more than just his eyes...

I wanted this big man to lose all control with me... I had been teasing him with glimpses of my body all evening... Taunting him as I innocently grazed my collar bone with my short, buffed nails... Leaning over to straighten the strap on my silver Jimmy Choos.... Letting my dress hug my curves in all the right places.... Crossing and re-crossing my legs while we were having pre dinner drinks at the bar...

I didn't know what had gotten into me... I had never been this brazen before, but there was something primal about this man.. and I was determined to find out just what drew me to him, like a moth to a flame... I just hoped he wasn't as dangerous as the flame...

I had been burned before and was never willing to risk that kind of pain again... but one look at the smoldering man gently laying himself on top of me, and I threw all of my cautions out the window.. I could worry about being hurt later... but right now I was going to enjoy myself... and I was going to make sure he enjoyed himself...

Thrusting my hips up to meet his as he gently laid his body fully on mine... Still holding my arms above my head with one hand...

I was on fire... and he had barely done more than undress me and throw me on the bed... The only part of him that had truly touched me so far were his eyes... and they were filled with the same fire that was turning my skin to ashes... turning my blood into lava that I could feel coursing through my veins...

I wanted him... and I wanted him now... inside me.. more than anything I had ever wanted... and he still wasn't doing more than caressing me with his eyes and allowing me to rub myself on whatever part of his body I could reach...

My breasts were aching... my nipples had turned into hard little beads and were straining towards him... I could almost feel the rasp of his shirt on them and thrust them towards his chest only to hear a deep chuckle as he pulled back and then lightly blew on my breasts...

BLEW on them... and I could feel myself grow wetter... I wimpered because now I only ached more.. He chuckled again, and it turned into a groan as he lowered his head to gently lick my breasts... He sucked on them... nibbling them with his teeth and taking turns being rough and gently... biting and soothing...

My eyes were closed and my head was starting to thrash.. it was the only part of my body I could freely move... but I stopped when I felt his gaze on me again... it was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud... I could feel the heat of it resting on my face..

Opening my eyes I was caught by the passion and the devillish humor swirling in his eyes... There was no where else I could look.. and as he held me gaze, he blew on my wet nipples again... chuckling that, deep, masculine laugh that made my toes curl and my sex tighten..

Lifting his head back to mine he stared into my eyes, I thought he was going to kiss me.. I wanted him to kiss me... almost more than I wanted him to thrust into my flesh and take me to heights I had never been to before... but he kissed my cheek.. and lightly nipped his way to my ear where he teased it... breathing deeply and gasping when I worked on of my legs out from under his and wrapped it around his waist, pulling his erection tighter against me and grinding the heat from my arousal against the bulge in his pants.. desperate for more contact...

In retaliation he nibbled my earlobe and whispered "I'm going to make you scream..."

A near violent shiver coursed through my body... The I could feel the rumble of his voice against my body.. I could here the promise in the gravelly bass of his voice... and I felt a slight shimmer of trepidation at what I was about to experience...

Reverend Malskeys

2009-05-07T20:57:00.002+02:00

I just became and ordained minister of the Universal Life Church.....

For....

Real.....

Me...

Malskeys...

I can start my own church... Perform marriage ceremonies.. Babtisms... Last rights...

MEEEE..

Miss Anti Christianity...

I don't know whether this makes me a hypocrite, or an ironic joke...

and I am not really sure that I care...

The Christian "faith" has caused thousands, upon millions greif and hurt...

I know there are genuine Christians out there who are decent human beings.... People who honestly don't judge you if you follow different beliefs or no beliefs as long as you are good people....

But this? While... interesting... is just fucking IRONIC...

It took 5 seconds...

FIVE...

Das ist alle...

So come one come alll... I'll marry you... I wonder what they would do to me if I started marrying every gay couple who wanted me to when I am back in the states...

This? this is going to be fun...

and most definately interesting...

Mal

chilly willy was a dick... chilly willy had a wick... chilly willy was a very chilly stick...

2009-05-06T20:19:00.003+02:00

I don't know HOW many times I have brought "create post" page up and then done nothing with it the past few days....

Life is full... Fun is being had... Plans are being made.... Shit is happenin'

I love it all!

Last Thursday night I went to Holland with a couple friends... We had a DRUNKTASTIC time!!

I didn't pay for a single drink....

The Dutch love Americans.... whodathunkit?

I bit ass while dancing the Cotton Eyed Joe in front of an audience that I had accumulated... I was fucking excited they were playing it... and the floor was wet... I am already Horizontally challenged and my balance is shit.... You do the math...

I saw 3 bare assed guys fucked up beyond fucked up.... One of them licked my face, much to my disgusted and laughing horror.... He licked my face.... WHILE he was still bare assed... I had unknown nekkid peen on me.... Like I said... interesting...

We saw a wall of fast food... not a restaurant... just a wall of burgers, fries, sausages (not the sperm filled kind), and "BBQ" shit..... My German friend Tini was very impressed... and thought she had actually dreamt it when I saw her the next day.... silly German...

I got to see urinals literally pop out of the ground so BOYS could go pee pee on the streets without getting thrown in jail for public urination... Seriously... can we not at least have a random squat hole or something? Fucking sexists...

Let's seee.... what else.... Did I mention I didn't pay for a single drink? Did I also mention that I drank a LOT... Not enough to get toasted... but enough...

It was a FUCKING fun night!!

Now comment bitches... I know you miss me!! I might even hop over to Twitter next and TELL you all I am updating my blog... let's see if that gets me some traffic.... LMAO...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMMY!!!

2009-05-04T17:52:00.002+02:00

Happy Birthday Mom!! You are such an inspiration in my life and I don't know what I would do without you! I am truly lucky to have a mother who supports me in all my goals and dreams no matter how far fetched or crazy... You always have faith in my abilities... And not only do I have an amazing mother I also have a great Best Friend!

Truly, you are the best! I love you soooo much and I wish I could be there with you on your birthday! xxox....

P.S. Damn you are hot!!

P.P.S. Thanks for giving me your skin... would have been nice to have your body too instead of Dads... Nothin' against him or anything... but, I'm a girl... sooo, ya know.... well, at least I got some seriously long legs to make up for it eh?? ;)

P.P.P.S. Eat CEHCK!! (Cartman style!)

Love,
Your rapscallion daughter who is gallivanting all over the world currently... AKA, Mal

Still here... somewhere... in the sun, most likely!

2009-04-21T14:03:00.001+02:00

Sunny, biking, sunny.. SUN....

I'll try and post when I get home tonight... but for now the sun is calling my name...

Again, sorry for the neglect... even Facebook has been calling to bitch me out....

xxox

Hi

2009-04-16T14:58:00.002+02:00

I'm Malskeys blog....

I'm not really updated much... nor does that happy little bitch pay me any attention lately...

She's always busy planning her bike trip or enjoying her vacation....

But even with all that "busyness" she still finds time to lavish all kinds of attention on Facebook.... evil bitch...

Plus with the nice weather she has been enjoying in Germany and the maps she bought... she only spends time with her computer to average out the distances she will be travelling this summer... or chat with friends in the evening...

I am feeling utterly and completely neglected... Suddenly she has no time for me... ugh.... I am going to shank that stupid Facebook bitch with my rusty spoon!!!

Okay... I am done ranting...

Bis spater bitches.... Bis spater...

Destiny? I make my own, with a heaping side of success... ThankYouVeryMuch!!!

2009-04-09T21:38:00.004+02:00

I'm back to the land of reality.... well, at least my reality...

My vacation was amazing..... Relaxing, lazy, and just what I needed!...

I have the next 2 and a half months to prepare for my trip this Summer and Autumn and I am going to bike almost everyday, everywhere in preparation for my trip!

I am so excited.. Excitement isn't even the correct word... There is no definable word for what I feel.. My life, my dreams, have led me to this place... This place where my heart is happy and my soul sings... Where I am realizing my dreams... They aren't always the dreams that people expect me to realize and some of them aren't completed...

Some of my dreams and projects are happening now... They are so fullfilling.. They are incredible... It's just so... indescribable.. This life that I have jumped into..

Yes, I still have doubts... When others disbelief in what I am doing with my life creeps in and I think... really? can I do this for FOUR months?? Can I??

Can I finish my projects??

Can I travel the world?

Can I enjoy single life to the fullest??

Can I actually fall in love and not be this cold, ice queen of a woman that more than one man has accused me of being??

But I can... I can do this... I will never doubt myself again... The things that I have accomplished in my life... The things that I am accomplishing... and the things that I will accomplish are amazing..

Spectacular...

Incredible...

I am making a legacy for myself... I want to show people that if you have confidence... If you have willpower... If you have independence... you can do anything you want to...

Have faith in yourself... Have faith that what you truly want in life will come to you....

So yeah... This is where I am right now.. This is what I am feeling!! It is all coming together... I love it...

Never lose faith in yourself... When you having negative thoughts turn them around... You can do it... For fucks sake, I am doing it... That should give anyone the confidence...

Also?? Pics are starting to go up on Facebook from Riga... So if you want to check them out that is the place to go!!

Still here

2009-04-06T16:58:00.000+02:00

But it's my last day..... Sad face...

More later...

I'm here

2009-03-31T17:32:00.000+02:00

In Latvia!! For a week!!! Woot Woot!! Exhausted and hungry we are going in search of food!! xxox

Things I miss

2009-03-27T15:51:00.002+01:00

Disclaimer: Even after my last rant post this does not mean that I am unhappy... just means that there are things I miss from home... Just like when I am back in the states there are things I miss in Europe... As with all things in life, I am madly deeply in love with two continents for two different reasons and I will divide my time accordingly... Or something along those lines... whatever...

MEXICAN FOOD!! The Germans are the biggest taste bud sissys I have ever met... My seester Rae? She gets a get out of jail free card for her pickiness at the dinner table next to these people... PEPPER is too spicey for them... seriously... Someone fine me a jalepeno and find it fast... my taste buds are dying!

Long hot baths with jets... JETS!.... I've taken 3 baths since I've been here.... THREE... fuck me...

Board games.... and playing Trouble with a 3 year old doesn't count... he only makes it half way through anyhow.... Game nights with family and friends... trying not to get caught cheeting and possibly passing out drunk at the table from too much wine... not that anyone has proof of that last one or anything, *cough....*

Cooking huge meals for family and friends... I love cooking... I can't wait to explore my full cooking potential one day... It is such a joy to me and to NOT have it here kills me sometimes... But essentially it is pointless to cook... The family doesn't appreciate it... No one hangs out and bullshits in the kitchen with me while I go at it... Which isn't a requirement 100% of the time but it damn sure makes for some fun!... I will be cooking in Latvia though!! Hostel and Couchsurfers Kitchens, here I and The Convict COME!! hehe

A car... I almost typed "My car" until I remembered... HA, I don't have a car anymore.... but bumming is easy and I can always bike... even though ppl in the states will look at me like I have two heads... after this summer I will be superwoman!

MY DOG!!!!!!!!! WAAAAHHH WAAAAHHH.... I miss that dog more than I can EVER express... Sometimes when I am laying bed having a hard time falling asleep? Do you want to know what I think about? No, not the hot piece of ass I fucked a few months ago... not the hot piece of ass I will eventually fuck in the future... NO, I think about when I lived in E-Town, I would lie on my bed with my arm hanging over the edge of my bed, petting my dog until I fell asleep... I knew I would miss her y'all... I KNEW it.... But the extent that I miss her some days is HORRID... She's my baby... and the only reason I am okay with having left her is because I know that she is getting spoiled ROTTEN while I am gone.... She's going to be a month shy of 10 when I get home... Ughh... I miss that dog... She's my baby... And even when I remember all the times she stressed me out and I wanted to strangle her ass, and well, might have on a few occassions... I want her here sooo bad... Her bar of soap eating, grabbing food off the table, eating a Thanksgiving pie, wanting to eat the gas man, ass.... I miss it... I'm an animal lover.... kiss my ass... I get to TALK to my friends and family.. I get to SEE them on skype... but not my Doggy... nosiree... so kiss it bitches...

Coors Light... Some of you gasped and died when you read that... Coors light? HOW on gods green earth could Mal miss COORS LIGHT?? Well, I just miss the simplicity of the beer... here in Krautland there are a million great beers... They are fantastic... but sometimes I just want something with no bite, that is ice cold and goes down smooth... Something uncomplicated with out the bitter taste that German beers have... so kiss my ass... repeatedly... Thankyouverymuch!

Barnes'N'Nobles.... Actually? Any English book store or library... They were my HAVEN in the states... my home away from home... The rare fight with my mom? Barnes'N'Nobles... Didn't want to sit around at home? Sit around at Barnes'N'Nobles.... And I would force my youngest seester to get out of the house and make a trip to the public library with me in town all the time when I was home... It was sisterly bonding time and child labor because my library card had expired... I'm a role model to EVERYONE... ;) hehehe... So yeah... Books stores... In ENGLISH... I can sit in the book section at Combi all I want here and still only understand 40-60% of what the damn things say... and that is just not enough when all you want to do is lose yourself in the steamy section of a smut romance novel... not enough at all....

a QUEEN SIZED BED!! nuff said....

Having the house to myself... That rarely happens here... The family I live with are ALWAYS home.... ALWAYS... Constantly... They have no lives... No social ones at least... Not catching a family movie on saturdays... No going out to dinner on the weekends... Sometimes they will to Oldenburg on the weekends and walk around for an hour.... oooo... exciting.... But really... I miss having a quiet peaceful house to turn up the Wicked in and sing at the top of my lungs while doing laundry, cleaning my room or just dancing nekkid in my room... I miss the intimacy of doing all those things in an empty house... I miss the privacy... The peace of mind.... The being ALONEness!!

MEXICAN FOOD.... Oh did I already mention that? Oops... Good Avacados are hard to come by... and you know what is even HARDER to come by?? Yummy salsa... the salsa here SUCKS ASS!! Ass I tell you... it's really not even worth eating...

Okies.... That is all for now... There is more, I know it... My hormones are making me SPEW today... I am positively SPEWING... and ya know what is even worse? I am throroughly ENJOYING the spewing... loving every minute of it... Tonight there is a drinking thing going on in the village I live in... should I go? I am thinking yes, but that requires me to pluck my eye brows a few days earlier than I had planned... and they need to be plucked... the last time I shaved my legs or plucked my eyebrows was before I went to visit The Brazillian... Yeah... I'm a little behind on those maintenance schedules... in other news though... my muff is doing brilliantly!! LMAO... Hope you guys have an EXCELLENT Friday! I am going to eat some cake now and then enjoy the first evening of my OVER two week Spring break... God love the Europeans and their long holidays! xxox

Let the ranting commence in 3.... 2... 1....

2009-03-27T10:37:00.003+01:00

So the kid has been driving me nuts... He is WELL on his way to becoming a entitled, spoiled rotten, little brat... I need a vacation... I need it bad!! Today is my last day of work for OVER a week!! WOOT WOOT!! And I need it... I need it OH so bad!!! I wish these parents had a back bone.. I wish that they could see what they are doing to their son... I wish they would realize that when they allow him to walk away from them as they are speaking to him that the problem is only going to get worse as he gets older... much, MUCH worse.... You can tell it frustrates them, to have no control... but they want him to be independent, they don't want to force him to do things.... but come ON people... he is THREE..... He has MANY years before he can make a responsible and intelligent decision about something other than what color he wants to use to paint my arm that day..... seriously....

And then there is me... The very definition of Hardass and Disciplinarian are stamped on my forehead in bold red letters... I want to tell him to fuck off and hahaha... you think I am going to do WHAT for you?? You so funny.... I don't get paid enough to deal with his bullshit... Really... 260 a month is nothing... I also hate having what I tell him undermined by the parents... ESPECIALLY when I get him to do something that they WANT him to do but later he doesn't want to and they back down... or they tell him he doesn't have to do it anymore... or UGH... 90 more days... and yes, I have a count down... Not so much because I hate working for them, because honestly y'all, I don't.. I like them.. I just think they expected me to be just like their last Au pair and I expected them to be much more like my family... more open and welcoming... and dude... They is not... They are a closed and reserved people... They rarely go out... they work all day, worship their son like the god idol he is to them and watch a few hours of T.V a night and that is their lives... Social life?? What is that? It has been non existent but for a few unconsequential things...

I'm social, I love being around others and spreading my wings... I love telling jokes and stories.. I love cooking huge family meals together and playing board games... I love just sitting and listening to the noise sometimes... and there is very little of that here... Yeah, they are good people who care about me in their own way but we both feel cheated... We both feel like we didn't quite get what we expected... And that is okay... it's cool... They know I am family oriented... I am just used to big obnoxious families... not quiet boring ones who spoil a three year old so rotten that I want to put THEM in timeout when I see them, themselves, reverse his progress... because sadly, it usually isn't instigated by him... it's started by his mother who just can't let go of him... who just can't cut the apron strings... When he gets up to go the bathroom by himself, he is halfway to the toilet and she'll ask him if he wants her to come.... well of course he does Mom... If you're going to continue to coddle him he is going to let you... He worships you... You are his Mother... He is the poster child for "Momma's Boys" everywhere... So when I go away for a few days and find the completely independent child I left behind has now reverted back months... I can't handle it... The past two days I have been so close to losing my shit...

Granted, some of this is because I am about to start my period and some of it is because I have NO control over this situation and have to bite my cheek for another 3 months while I watch him get even more self righteous and spoiled.... He is SUCH a great kid... When he isn't being a little shit for brains with his parents we have a BLAST! He is creative and smart... he is learning to read and sound out words and he REALLY enjoys this... He likes to color and help me make non-sensical rhymes... We make books and read... we play with his train set and race outside... We play playdoh and watch birds... But when he wants me to come to the bathroom and wipe is pee pee just because he doesn't want to? Screw that kid... You can sit on that toilet till you do it yourself... If your parents hadn't been home today there is NO way I would have taken your shoes off for you like that... I almost had you taking them off yourself but you Dad had to fucking interfere and ask if you wanted toast... Watch and learn dumbasses...

UGH.... I just can't handle feeling inept.... Unable to do anything... To even give them my opinion... What would it change? Would they suddenly see the error of their ways? No... They would clam up faster than, well, clams... I was going to throw a sexual joke in but I just don't feel like it at the moment... UGH...

So there... That is what makes this job so unsatisfying at times... The inability to change his behavoir... To put him in time out when he refuses to answer a question or walks away when I am talking to him... To force him to put down his toys at the dinner table and ASK to be excused from the table.... Things that he is now old enough to understand... especially for as intelligent as he is...

Okay... I could probably rant much longer... my hormones are being a total bitch today and I have very little control at the moment! But I barely have to see the kid if I don't want to for the next 24 hours.... Then I will be staying at The Convicts and we'll be on our way to Latvia first thing Tuesday morning!! Woot Woot!!

If you read this whole thing y'all are crazy... xxox...

Summer never looked so good!

2009-03-25T20:50:00.003+01:00

I am so stinkin excited about my summer/fall plans...

From the end of June until November 2nd, when I fly back to the states to visit, I am going to be biking my way through Europe...

It came to me as a brilliant idea while I was riding the bus into Oldenburg... "How great would it be if I could bike through Europe? I love biking here.... I wish I didn't have to work so I could do that instead!"

2 days later I had a sit down with the family I work for and they gave me the option to leave them early in July or to leave in October...

Guess which one I picked....

So now I have 4 months to see Europe at my liesure...

4 months to visit friends all over the continent...

4 months to meet and charm even more men...

4 months to be a total hippy and have the time of my life!

And I am STOKED!!

I will admit to being slightly intimidated by this huge goal I have given myself... 4 months of stealth camping, couch surfing, staying in the occassional hostel and visiting friends... 4 months of being utterly homeless... 4 months of shopping, travelling and seeing sights on a tight budget...

Oh dear Jeeballah! I am SOOO freaking excited!! Little butterflies are puttering around my stummy...

I have a budget drawn up for what I am going to spend on my bike, camping gear and panniers... I think I am going to skip getting a back pack and carry around my one shoulder "purse" that I currently have and absolutely ADORE.. It will be good for when I just want to walk around and if I have to go overnight somewhere I know I can stuff it full as an overnight bag...

I want to spend a large amount of the summer on Italian beaches... sleeping on the beach and waking up to the surf, diving into the waves in the morning!! Making new friends... Drinking cheap wine... Eating from grocery stores because that will be all I can afford, except for the occassional restaurant treat...

Here is my list of things I need to get

- Bike
- Panniers
- Tent
- Summer sleeping bag
- Towel
- Water containers... I will need large ones and some filters or tablets to make the water better too.... especially with all the camping I have planned... I can't buy water every time I stop because it will be too expensive
- Toilet paper
- First Aid Kit
- Bike repair kit
- Air pump
- Light weight rain gear (poncho anyone?)
- Matches and GOOD lighter
- Can opener (do I really need this if I'm not usually going to cook?)
- Compass
- Pocket knife
- Bungy Chords
- Bike tire patch kit
- more tire repair stuff that I can get at combi... LOL
- Bug repelent!
- Flash light (small)
- Bicycle Helmet
- Flat duck tape

I'm sure I am forgetting some necessities and that there will be a few things that I will leave behind... but I am soooo excited to do this... "Hippy Homeless European Biking Extravaganza" here I come!!

Bikes, Tents and Sleeping bags, Oh MY!

2009-03-25T16:55:00.003+01:00

I have started some more research for my summer biking extravaganza!!

Looking up the camping gear I am going to need and the best way to get a reliable and cheap bike....

and that is when I stumbled across this....

You have to search through a lot of crap to find good information in the internet sometimes... but I somehow can't manage to believe that this is crap... even if most of their products *cough* go in the crapper *cough.* I laughed and I looked and wiggled in discomfort at the thought of riding a bike with something that.... well... that BIG in my bum....

Recreational riding has never looked so odd...

So this is what it's like to be happy? I did! I did, I saw a puddy tat!

2009-03-20T13:01:00.003+01:00

Goin' to Hamburg this weekend with my Convict and her Cousin who is in town visiting before she goes to London to work.... We're goin to head down there Saturday afternoon, see some sights, party all night and then head back in the morning on Sunday... God I love my life!

We have also found a couchsurfer to host us the entire week we are in Latvia!! Woot Woot! Low budget travelling? I believe I will write a book on it! Thankyouverymuch!!

Warning: Rant in 3... 2... 1...

Mah little 3 year old Boo has been sick the past 3 days and it's almost taking more out of his poor mother than it is him... He cries and cries and she tries to placate him and he wants none of it... I try to help but he wants none of me when he has her there to worship the ground he walks on... and I get it... he really hurts and he really is sick... His left eye is so swollen that the poor kid can barely see out of it and he looks like he recieved a devillishly good right hook.. His head hurts from the horrid ear infection that he has... But the only reason his illness got so bad in the first place is because his parents are fucking pussys... They let him hold the reigns and make the decisions... and y'all.. he is ONLY THREE... Fuck that shit... If he wants to stop taking his previous meds early do you let him? NOOOO... That is the definition of idiocy... If I'd known they stopped them early I would have put my foot down... because we are all suffering the wrath of a sick 3 year old right now because of it... and seriously y'all... THIS is the reason T.V. was invented... seriously... Drop his ass in front of some kiddy cartoons... MAKE him play with his au pair instead of giving in when he starts crying 15 minutes later because he wants his Mommy... Y'all the poor woman isn't eating much either, or sleeping for that matter... and I do feel a little sorry for her but, really, it's self perpetuated (did I spell that right? Whatever, fuck it, it's my rant time) So yeah... you want to raise your kid to be independent and able to make their own decisions... but you do not want them to run the fucking household... and when I offer to help there isn't anything she wants me to do... So I just sit there and watch the cycle continue, unable to help in any way... It fucking sucks... and I can't wait for this weekend to relieve some of the stress from this week and party it up!!

End Rant.

Now I need to clean my room up a little bit.. I might be getting my hair cut tomorrow before we leave for Hamburg! YAY... I want to tan a little and buy some booze... And OH SHIT... I freaking forgot to mail my seesters birthday present... Ughh.. I have had it done for WEEEEKKKSS now... OY... Scheisse... Scheisse, scheisse, scheisse....

TTYL

Vlad Hanzikens

2009-03-18T11:21:00.006+01:00

I sure you all have been wondering quite diligently... "What ever happened to Malskeys travelling companion?? Did he die? Did he fall into a vat of booze? Did she fall into a vat of booze and forget about him completely?" Well, I did fall into a vat of booze, that is what I do best here, after all... But I did not forget about my friend and travelling companion Vlad Hanzikens... He has been more than active the past few weeks and I shall show you a few of the pictures to prove it... Well, I shall show you one today and then another tomorrow or the next day and so forth... Don't want to blow my stash so soon... Well, maybe I will upload the second photo to this first one... It's hella funny.... and explains Vlad's prolonged absence a little more clearly then I ever could...

Stockin up on condoms, "The German Way"....

Getting rid of condoms, "The German Way!"

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!

2009-03-17T17:28:00.002+01:00

I am sitting in my room after enjoying the sunny day we have here in Krautland, drinking some knock off Baileys and trying to talk myself into cleaning my room a little...

It's not dirty, really, just clothes that need to be put away... but I don't waaaaannnnna....

I now have the ability to read competently in German...

Bout damn time, is all I have to say to that talent...

But it bodes very well for my speaking abilities in the next month or so...

Because it means that all this "I know what you are saying but not how to respond" bullshit is about to turn into "I know what you are saying and I can kind of respond."

YAY... Okay, that is all for now... It took me FOREVER to actually complete this post... now I am going to eat some din din and drink my knock off Baileys...

Thankyouverymuch!

Frankfurt?

2009-03-15T21:27:00.003+01:00

Was like when you are sooooo excited to have sex for the first time...

You guys have been fooling around for WEEKS... He's even ALMOST stuck it in a few times...

But you haven't "Done it" yet...

Then, after teasing eachother for weeks, you decide to spontaneously do the deed 10 minutes before you are supposed to be home for curfew....

yeah....

THAT is what Frankfurt was like...

One big fat premature ejaculation...

Honestly though? My visit with The Brazillian wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either... It was simply "Meh.."

He annoyed me with his puppy dog neediness and his inability to take a punch when I was teasing or joking around...

He didn't like my little love bites when I kiss... and fuck it all... I will not seriously date a guy who can't handle that trait... I will not... It is me... and I want to be bitten and nipped at BACK damnit... I have kissed and "dated" many men who adore that trait... and fuck it all but I will not sacrifice that... It's not something I am willing to live without...

The highlight of my weekend? An hour soak in The Brazillians bath tub.... The only thing missing? Girly smelling salts and jets...

So yeah... if the highlight of my weekend was a bath? I am pretty sure you can imagine the rest...

I saw some sights...

I goofed around.. Embarrassed The Brazillian by breaking into song or seeing something I was excited about and jumping/screaming for joy... Which also? Not cool... and not something I will ever change... If my parents and friends, the people I care most about in the world, can handle this trait.... Then a man I am interested in better have that kind of tolerance damnit!

So yeah...

Frankfurt...

OY....

Also? I did not sex him up...

I am still going without for over 2 months.....

OOOOYYYYYY.....

It's a beautiful day!

2009-03-11T14:55:00.002+01:00

I am loving today!!

I don't even really know why, especially since I kind of woke up on the wrong side of the bed initially...

It makes it sooooo much better to know that I said a big "Fuck You!" to my bad mood and turned it into a spectacular one!!

The sun is shining!

I had a great lunch with my German family and My German Mums parents...

Boo was cracking me up when we were rough housing earlier....

The birds are singing and the Universe is calling my name!!

Today is great!!

Love it, Love it, Love it!!!

Hope y'all have a great day! Especially those who are just starting them!!

I'm off to enjoy the weather!

Nerd Alert

2009-03-09T21:04:00.002+01:00

In the last 24 hours I have

- Slept for 3 hours.... barely....

- Worked for 6 hours....

- Eaten 2 pieces of toast for breakfast, a bowl of German "whatever" for lunch, and 5 chocolate pieces that I pilfered from the pantry...

- READ for the rest of the time, give or take a shower and , oh yeah, I forgot, Cake....

722 pages... I couldn't put it down... and this is the SECOND time I've read it... Scheisse....

Now my head hurts from lack of sleep and my stummy is growling from lack of dinner....

I believe I am going to nibble on something and then go to bed...

G'night y'all!

Four Months and Counting...

2009-03-06T13:14:00.002+01:00

Yesterday was my 4 month anniversary here in Europe!

FOUR MONTHS!!

It seems like so much longer and so much shorter all at the same time...

It was difficult to get to this point of feeling secure and loving life here... missing my family and friends... Roughin' it through the holidays... I had never felt so utterly alone and miserable in my life.. I was depressed... I hated it here some days, literally loathed it...

But I wouldn't trade living here for the world... I don't regret my decision to move here... I have learned so much about myself.. I have become a stronger individual.. I can do anything. Bring it on! I can handle it!

It's so funny to think about my life a year ago...

A year ago I was going to school and H A T I N G it... I was working at a job that I loathed even though I made loads of cash... I was wishing to go anywhere and do anything else... I wanted to live my own life and I wanted to live it the way I WANTED TO LIVE IT! I wanted to do things for myself instead of my friends... I wanted it to be about me.. I had no love life and I was essentially happy about it, but also hated it... I was literally aching to DO something, to BE something better, to MAKE my dreams become reality... I was ready and the waiting was slowly killing me...

And here I am now... a year later... living in Europe... travelling the world.. I have a man in every city.. one of which I really like.. I'm taking weekend trips to Paris, Frankfurt, Hamburg and more... Going on vacation for a week to Latvia... I'm going to bike around Europe for 4 months this summer.... I am going to go home for the Holidays this year and visit family before I come back to Europe.. I am going to sell my art, the creativity has been flowing and I have so much going on in that I'm almost struggling to keep up with all the new ideas...

Yes it is rough not having my Family here... Not being able to speak regularly with my best friend and missing out on family dinners... But I will visit... and they will visit... I appreciate them all the more for knowing how lucky I really am... Skyping with my mom over lunch... emailing my seesters and my Dad.... Knowing my best friend is lost without me at times, as I am without him... But it's made me more independent.. I can make difficult decisions completely on my own with only my opinion to sway me and the conviction that I made the right one.. I trust my instincts fully and let them guide me on my next great adventure! I'm growing up.. I think differently and I asess life in a new way that I can hardly even express...

I am living in the here and now but I also constantly have butterflys of anticipation for the rest of my life... The great moments that I have coming my way... all the big dreams that I dreamt are coming my way... I can't even fully realize the enormity of greatness that is heading my way... The happyness that I am going to experience and share with others...

I was walking through Oldenburg last night thinking how I would like to have this or that one day, when it hit me... I will have it... all of it.. What I want is already at my fingertips, it's all a matter of when I want it and how soon... I've walked this path before and I am already living a life that is more than I ever could have imagined... That is greater than anything my imagination could come up with... Because it's what I wanted...

So yeah... Happy 4 Month Anniversary Baby!! We have an even wilder ride ahead of us!!

Life.... Life is so amazing.. it is so fucking incredible..

yeah.....

Life,

2009-03-05T23:03:00.003+01:00

Is never quite what you expect it to be... but always what you expect it to be... This is a total oxymoron, yes... but it makes sense to me....

I dreamed... I hoped... I said.... and I am living it all...

But I didn't always expect my life to be this way...

I didn't expect to live the life I dreamed... but I kept dreaming and I dreamt big...

I dreamt so big that I am barely containing the anticipation for the rest of my life...

Because it is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than I ever could have imagined it....

I am lucky... I always dreamed and I always believed in them... I always had others that believed in them with me... and for that I am thankful...

I hope that one person reads this blog... just one... and realizes their true potential to mold their life into exactly what they want... Because each individual has the power... We all have the ability to make our lives and live our dreams.....

I am living proof of that...

And my dreams are vast and they are large! I can't freaking wait for what comes next! This movie has the best sequels and I am more than anticipating the next one!

My life? my life is awesome....

Never doubt that yours is or can be.... The power of the imagination is infinite.... Believe in yourself, and know that I believe in you too!!!

xxox,
Mal

Crocodiles have tears?

2009-03-04T16:05:00.002+01:00

When I was in junior high I had a boyfriend named Don Paul... He was a troubled kid with abuse problems at home... We "Dated" for almost a year on and off as young relationships are wont to be like... We had Math together and would sit in front of the projector together and take notes...

It was during one of these classes that I noticed writing on his hand... He had tatooed himself with ink from a pen.. It was one of many huge indicators of the troubled individual that he was... He wrote me a 4 page letter one summer that was totured, and when my 23 year old self found it when I was moving last year, I fully realized what a troubled soul he was...

Now, every few months I think of him and try looking up what happened to him.... I've asked a few people who I used to go to school with there before I moved away and no one really knows what happened to him...

I hope he didn't walk down the same road his older brother and father did... They were all very abusive individuals.. any sign of weakness he showed they needled and poked until he refused to show any weakness at all... I might be one of the only people who did see it.. I can still picture his older brother... He creeped me out.. Even then I knew that he was a dangerous individual, someone who was cruel to others because it was fun, who shot animals because he enjoyed causing them pain. Knowing that, I was a total bitch to him.. Showed no weakness and defended my BF as much as I could...

We eventually "Broke up" and went our seperate adolescent ways.. I moved to Arkansas for a few months and then back to Oklahoma but to a completely different town.. We didn't keep in touch because we were young...

But now I wonder what happened to him... If he is okay.. If he bettered himself... He had soo much potential to make something of himself in life. He was a good person, and I hope that the circumstances of his childhood didn't hinder him in life... I know something of overcoming those kinds of obstacles, but only because my father has shared his childhood and adolescent experiences with me.. I know that breaking the cycle is hard, but it's not impossible.. My childhood is proof of that... I was never hit in anger or molested... I was never beaten bloody and left for dead on the floor.... and for that I am lucky.. I can only hope my father knows how much I love and appreciate him being my Dad and my friend..

So yeah.... I wonder.. I wonder what happened to that lanky, sensitive boy, that for a year, I knew... That for a while in life I saw just what he had to offer the world.. and I hope that he realized his potential... I hope he overcame the obstacles placed in front of him... I hope for him... I hope..

Today...

2009-03-03T13:08:00.002+01:00

Is not my day....

It's not horrible, and it started out fine...

But I have a 3 year old that I spend 5 hours a day with who I currently wish to dismember.... sort of..

He. is. driving. me. batty.

I love my job, I really do... And I love Boo... To bits and pieces... but right now I want him in pieces and out of my sight....

Horrible? Hell yeah...

Some of it has to do with the fact that I am a hormonal mess today... As Lisa so accurately put it, I'm with period... and for the first time after reading 500 bumper stickers out of boredom in the last week I truly understand the abbreviation "FML."

Even though... My life fucking rocks... I spend weekends in Paris, Hamburg, Frankfurt and I am going to Latvia for a week at the beginning of April.. Round trip tickets for THIRTY euros a person... That is cheaper than my BUS ride to Paris... and I am spending my summer biking through Europe... Lucky Bitch thy name is Malskeys...

I have men literally THROWING themselves at me... The Universe is chucking tall, cute, funny and charming men all over my direction... I don't know what to do with myself... At times it's almost more that I can juggle... They all want me to visit and my weekends are filling up fast, PLUS the family wants me to work too... Ha... hahaha... HA... I am going to Frankfurt to spend the weekend with the Brazillian in a week and a half... Then London Dude wants me to come visit... And I still can't to commit to visiting The Parisian... There wasn't really any chemestry between us, at least on my end, even though he was a sweet guy...

So despite work irking me at the moment... Things are great... I am living the life... I am living my dream! And I am making it happen...

And fuck the "Terrible Twos" They really meant "Traumatizing Threes (for the au pair)" Seriously... But I have to say he can be brilliant when he wants to be... I am teaching that little turd to read and he thinks it is all fun and games! Go me!! hehehe...

Welp, that is all for now... Also? I decided on the name Vlad Hanzikens.... Just haven't published the post I wrote about it yet... Travelling and other stuff have taken precidence over the blog lately, I'm sure you've noticed... LMAO...

Hope you all have a great day!

xxox

Hamburglar

2009-02-27T21:05:00.001+01:00

Hamburg

That is where I goin'

I's is goin' to Hamburg...

Jealous??

Fuckers... ya should be!!

Peace yo...

"Cheers"

2009-02-25T23:08:00.003+01:00

To the Universe..

To all in my life...

To my Parents...

To my Seesters...

To my Friends..

To all the not so great moments and to all the breath-takingly spectacular moments of my life...

To all the moments leading to up the pinnacle..

To the unimagined greatness that my life is going to be...

Thank you...

Thank you for it all..

I am ever so appreciative of these moments...

These moments when I can feel... yes, feel the everlasting happiness that is in my destiny...

Thank you for it all!!

This toast?

This PROST!

Is to all of those things... To all of those people and more...

I am soooo fucking lucky and I am living my GodCaca'ed DREAM....

I am...

Sometimes I have to fucking pinch myself...

Yes, I miss my family... and oh god yes I miss my friends and my "inter"friends....

But this life?

This "Destiny" that I am walking to?

Holy shit..

When I have those moments of "Feeling" it's magnitude I almost shit myself...

It's almost scary to feel the future that I have always wanted and wished for soooo close to my finger-tips...

Holy shit...

So THANK YOU!

THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!!!

THANK YOU FAMILY!!

THANK YOU FRIENDS!!

THANK YOU!!

I am on my way...

Holy FUCK I am on my way...

And the energy of it?

Burns my skin......

I am that fucking close...

Shit...

Holy Shit...

Time

2009-02-24T21:09:00.003+01:00

This is what I've been doing with my time today.. I like it! Anyone want to buy one? Cuz I'm getting crafty in the hizzah and I wanna make some dough.. Plus, I really should start, ya know, selling my art.... I love to give it away, but I also would like to see what its marketability is, (Marketability?? Just go with it y'all, I am from Oklahoma) and that's hard to do if I am simply painting something and then giving all my favorites away... Damn and blast...

So what y'all think? Are my Fashion sketches a mad hit??

Naming My Travelling Companion....

2009-02-23T14:21:00.004+01:00

and no, I don't mean my vibrator....

Adolf was already taken and Hitler seemed a bit too obvious... but I loved the suggestion to keep my new travelling companions name German... even though he was made in China... Ironic, isn't it?

So I have been thinking... Jens? Arnold? Scheisse? Hund?? Adolf Elizabeth Hitler??

I had decided by the end of writing my last post that Bullydog was a boy... It fit... Kind of like my vibrator on..... never mind... bad joke...

So names... I almost feel like I should name him "Auch" because I use the word so much... but having the name "Also/Too" just doesn't seem very fun... I would be tempted to leave the poor guy at home just because of the lameness of his name...

So I am thinking... Thinking... thinking...

Albert? Bartram? Englebert?? Hansel?? Gunther? Hanz? Kunz? Ludwig??

Holy Scheisse Peeps... I just found my name as a BOYS name meaning "War Counselor." That explains a lot.... Seriously....

Rambert? Vlad? Wagner?? Wolfric? Zelig??

I am torn between Vlad and Hanz..... So tell me... Which one... I shall unveil his new name Morgen!! I mean Tomorrow... Scheisse, y'all don't speak Germish huh?? Damn...

Well, scroll down and look at the picture of my pup if you haven't already seen him, and then VOTE VOTE VOTE!! I would appreciate your comments but I am going to put up a poll to keep things easy and clean!! Also? I have another post up from earlier if you are feeling masocistic (is that a word??) and want to suffer through the beautiful and brilliant writing... No pressure.. GO READ IT!! really... none...

Homesickness Shmosickness

2009-02-23T13:32:00.002+01:00

It has been sinking in these past couple of weeks that it truly is going to be a full year before I see my family and friends back in the states again... unless they decide to come visit of course.. Which is at their own discretion.. The economy isn't exactly the greatest right now (*snort* *cough* *sputter*) and I want them to come if they can.. but no pressure... Even though Greece with my Mom this summer would be RAD!!

I miss my family. This is the longest I have spent away from them... and even though I absolutely love it here, I do have moments of missing them.. Luckily those moments are usually dispelled by a weekend in Paris or the planning of a week in Turkey or thinking about my summer plans to bike through Europe... So no hardships there.... .... ..

I just think about how much we are all changing.. growing.. There are so many little things that I am missing out on.. Little things that, by the end of this year? Aren't going to seem so little anymore..

And I am changing too.. I am much more independent, not that I wasn't before... But now I am more independent of my family.. Making big decisions completely on my own wasn't something I often did before.. I always talked it over with my parents... Debated with them and threw ideas off of them.. Now I don't usually have that option... I just have to buckle down and make the decision that I think is best and tell my family about it later.. Crazy concept right?? ;)

But even though I am missing out on the family dinners and the Hockey Games, I know that I am gaining sooo much in being here.. I am coming to appreciate my family and friends even more than I did before. And I hope they are coming to appreciate me a little more... Lake season is going to be interesting without me around... I kind of feel sorry for my Dad... Who else is he going to yell "LEFT LEFT LEFT" to, while motioning to the right, as I load the boat?? Who else I ask you? Who else?? Oh right, Rae.... *Evil laugh*

I will be happy to be home for a couple months in November to visit... But I can't imagine not living in Europe at this time in my life.. I love it. I love what I am learning about myself here.. I love that I can spend the weekend in Paris and a week in Turkey and travel through 4 countries in 11 hours by bus... I love the friends that I have made here.. The experiences that I am having.. It is all soooooo worth it..

I am having one of the greatest love affairs of my life... with travelling... with Europe... with my fucking amazing life... It has set the bar high, and it only makes me wonder; What's next?

Also? My Hater is back!! Let us all welcome back him/her!! Hopefully you can keep things interesting around here!!! Now I am off to grab some beer from Combi and then I am going to clean clean clean my room!!

To all of my family and friends who read my blog! Thank you for always being here for me! I am lucky to to have you!! xxox

Meet.....

2009-02-21T10:26:00.002+01:00

Benny? Buffy? Bubba II? Bubbette? Bentley? Winston? Winstette?? Bully? Bullette?? Slobbers? Chuckles? Fucker?? Fuckette?? Grady?...

I need a name for my new travelling companion...

He/She came home with me from Frankfurt and has been creating all sorts of mischief since then...

Squishing the butter at brunch with my friends, stealing sips of wine out of my bottle, jumping into peoples scarves and harrassing the wait staff.... He/She is a total rapscallion and I love it, I have a feeling we will be travelling the world together for many years to come....

But I need your help first... Can you help me pick out my new buddys sex and name?? And I don't mean that as in the name of who he/she is going to have sex with... Dirty minded whores... That is what my readers are.... Le sigh...

I am leaning toward "Boy." Not sure why... But it might have something to do with my never wavering habit of making most of my stuffed animals as a child male unless they were obviosly already female... What does that say about me? Do I truly want to know??

So with all of this in mind... Help me y'all... Help me like you've never helped before!! Viele Danke!! Merci!! Gracias!! Thank you!!

Malskeys

2009-02-20T11:16:00.003+01:00

"Witty Title Here"

2009-02-18T21:59:00.003+01:00

I'm changing up the blog.. I feel like she needs a little make over to fit the rockstar/hippy vibe I got goin' on right now!

Paris was amazing! 33 hours of absolute fun and debauchery!! The stories I have to tell?? Are Ridiculous! The adventures... The people... The Men... I almost feel like I am collecting little places to stay in every country and city that I visit... Good thing too because once July hits I will be pretty damn homeless for 4 months... LOL

A child of the world... That is what I am!

Well this is a new way to "whistle"

2009-02-09T13:59:00.002+01:00

Blogging hasn't really been my thing lately...

I have been journalling a lot and I love it.

Sometimes I don't really feel like typing out a witty post.... emphasis on typing...

I love writing.. I love the way my fingers ache and the way my handwriting changes with my mood...

I don't know what it is but every time I sit down to write about something funny or great or crazy that has happened to me in the last few weeks I just end up word vomiting some mediocre shit all over the keyboard and calling it a day...

I don't know if it's because I am censoring myself.... using my creativity in other ways... or just not caring about my blog at the moment..... but I think I am going to take a break from it... I keep up with most of you through emails and facebook anyhow.... which funnily, doesn't bother me to keep up with... but blogging? meh.....

I am just tired of having the greatest stories to tell... sitting down at the computer and going blank... So I will blog if I suddenly have a creative surge? But for all reason and purpose? I am taking a break... at least a week... We'll see if my creative side is back into play after Paris....

But yeah.... and those of you who don't have facebook and are wondering about my nose piercing?? I got it done... and my nose "canal?" was too small and the stud wouldn't fit... they finally found a smaller stud and then dropped.. it.. on.. the.. floor... So I had a needle go through my nose for nuttin.... If I go back Friday they will have a new stud for me and do the whole thing for free... Just not sure I want to risk something crazier happening... so yeah... Nose ring...

And Brazil? I am giving him a chance... We're going to take things slowly, one step at a time... I will see if he really is serious about quitting smoking and so on... Because now that I have embraced the single rockstar lifestyle? I am not so sure I am ready to give it up... It's pretty awesome y'all??

Okay... That is all for now... I am taking a haitus!! Reading... Journalling... Painting and Sketching shall fill my time for now.... as well as getting ready for Paris!! God I love my life!!

Calling all Good Vibes... or whatever you can spare!

2009-02-06T12:48:00.004+01:00

Okay.... You guys know I love dogs...

Convicts German family has a yellow lab that I love....

Sometimes I look forward to visiting their house just to see the dog...

His name is Ben and he is the sweetest animal, second only to my own... I would keep him for the rest of my life if S, Convicts host mom, would let me...

And he is really really sick right now...

He ran away last Friday and got sick... (he's never run away before)

He's been at the vets the past few days and they don't think he is going to make it so they sent him home to spend his last few days with the family...

Convict messaged me earlier telling me she might pick me up earlier so that I can tell him "Bye" because she knows how much I love this dog...

And y'all? I do... I love this dog to distraction... He is so sweet and cuddly and groans when I scratch his ears just. like. Reagan....

He is my dog away from home...

I don't know what he has or if he was poisoned somehow or what.... But if you guys could send good vibes to this poor dog and his families way I would truly appreciate it... I know that some of you might be thinking.. "Come on, it's just a dog...." Well screw you...

Ben, I hope you pull through this somehow!! You have brightened my life here so much and Christmas wouldn't have been the same without you wagging your way into my heart!

I love you Hund!! xxox

**UPDATE**
Ben passed away in his sleep peacefully about a week after this was posted.... He was happy to he home with his family, which was evident when I was over there and visited with him and tried to say good bye... I am going to miss that freaking dog and it will not be the same when I visit them now... I seriously can't believe he won't be there to greet me at the door... It will feel so weird... We love you BennyBoy!! I hope you are sniffing some serious bithces ass and eating as much garbage as you want!!

"R" is for Rawrrrrrrrrrr

2009-02-05T13:19:00.004+01:00

I asked Huck to give me a letter and then I would name 10 things that I like and describe why I like them... She handed me the letter "R" so here goes.....

1. Rockstar

This is the year of The Rockstar! I am living like a Rockstar, partying it up, travelling, making friends, meeting men and living it up!! This year is all about exploring myself, pushing myself to the limit and stretching my boundaries.

2. Reagan

Reagan is my Dog. I miss my dog so much. Sometimes it's so hard living here without her.... Because even on a bad day, when I didn't wish to speak to anyone else, I had her. I could sit on the floor and cry with her. Come home from a bad day at work, blare the music in my room and dance with her. She always knows when I am down or when I need some space. She's funny and loving and protective... I miss my dog, can you tell?

3. Rings

In the past year I have developed an affinity for rings.... Nice rings.. Quality rings... and I have started a nice collection. I bought a beautiful jade ring at the Christmas Market here in Germany... My Mom bought me a beautiful, one of a kind, for my birthday that I am absolutely in love with. Mah Lovah DPH sent me the cutest skull ring that I adore! My seester brought me back a sterling silver love knot from Mexico a few years ago... and I have my two engraved "Embrace the single 'To Me, From Me'" rings. They say "Love Writer Artist Singer" and "I will not lose so you can win" To remind me to always be true to myself, and all that jazz....

4. Rest and Relaxation

Sometimes I am sitting here in Germany and I feel like there must be something that I have to do. Some homework assignment... A phone call to make... and my gut clenches in anxiety at the sudden pressure and expectation I feel.... Like if I don't do something I am letting a million other people down... and then I realize... Ha, I live in Germany... I have the easiest job imaginable and there is no real pressure to get anything of any kind done... If I want to paint or doodle to my hearts content? I can... If I want to sleep for the next 20 hours? I can... If I want to ride my bike around town or walk around Oldenburg? I can... If I want to spend the weekend in Paris? No problem... And that? That is amazing! I loved college (when I was performing) but it made me anxious in any aspect of my life that involved "pressure." I want to do things for myself... and that is what this year is about... ME.... I will do things for myself... If I decide not to do something? The only person if affects is me... And that? That is refreshing!! This is all about R&R.... Thank Jeeballah!!

5. Red Wine

I love red wine.... I forgot how much I enjoyed it because I drink so much white in the states... But red is sooooo much better!! Plus? It doesn't give me a hangover...

6. Reading

I love to read. Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love to read!!! I brought about 20 books with me to Germany, and left 2 or 3 boxes full of them in my parents garage.. Books are my personal version of crack

7. Ranch

Ranch is amazing... It's tastey on Steak, French Fries, Baked Potatoes, Chicken, Grilled Cheese, Salad and so much more... I love ranch..... yum yum yum yum...

8. Riding My Bike

This has quickly become something that I love to do! It is refreshing, even when it is freezing outside... I can't wait to bike through Europe... It is going to be challenging and rewarding and breath-takingly beautiful! Plus? You should see my legs.... Cottage cheese?? What is that?? Because my legs are HOT!

9. Rainy Days

I love a rainy day... When you can hear the pitter patter on the windows and roof... Snuggle into your covers and watch a movie/read a book/play a board game.... I also love to cook on rainy days!

10. Rosary

My Nana's Rosary. It is from 1880 (or 1830, it's hard to make out) and it gives me comfort just to hold it in my hand. I know I am not a religious person and most definately not a Christian... But there is something about the Rosary that makes me feel so close to my Nana and to that part of my history and heritage... I love it.

So there you go, my 10 R's... in no particular order.... Hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little better! If you want to do this please let me know and Iwill assign you a letter all to yourself... Hope you have a great Thursday!! Tomorrow I am getting my nose pierced!!! YAY! xxox

I'm a Rockstar!!

2009-02-03T16:47:00.003+01:00

The Convict and I had the best weekend ever!!

I don't even know where to start...

We had 10 hours of sleep in four days...

Does that begin to tell you the amount of fun that we had?

So much happened and I have SOOOOO many stories!....

I have a Brazillian trying to get me to date him.... as in, be his girlfriend.... And the funny thing is? I was a total bitch to him... Latin men like their women fiesty....

I have officially bummed it up in a train station McDonalds...

I know my way around Frankfurt pretty damn well for only having spent barely 3 days there...

Some guy tried to kick me out of a Pizza Restuarant at 3 in the morning and I wanted to kick his ass... Convict is still laughing about that one...

We rode to and from Frankfurt in the Mexican Mobile... 7 people in a TINY ass car with a TON of frigging bags. The Convict and I sat in the very back, AKA the trunk, in two pop up seats... Getting out was like doing an acrobatic feat of balance.... Which sadly, neither of us possess.... Thus we tumbled out of the car.. Good times...

Friday night we spent 3 hours in a hospital because one of our friends had a asthma attack after drinking too much on an empty stomach... That was interesting... Still not exactly sure what happened... But she is better now! So that is good!

I didn't get my nose pierced because right before I left Oldenburg a friend told us she had hers done in O-Town for 28 euros and I liked hers, and every place in Frankfurt was 40 euros or more.... So I am getting it done this Friday! I am really sad that I have to wait though... Freakin' A....

So I have decided that you will get the details of this weekend in little story installments... Sound good?? Hope so!! And I will do a picture post in a day or so... just not today... I have uploaded soooo many freaking photos that I can't handle doing it anymore... if you are really that curious check out my facebook...

That's all for now!! xxox

We're off to see the Wizard....

2009-01-31T08:29:00.002+01:00

In 2 hours... we're off to Frankfurt!!

Still no place to stay, but we're gangsta's like that!

We'll find a place.. or we won't sleep... Good times will be had either way!!

There is now going to be a horribly cramped car with 2 active, one slightly annoying and the other one severely annoying, boys and a baby..... We're mixing vodka with orange juice for the drive, cuz we're The Schitzel!!

Friday night was freaking crazy.

There is too much to the story to put it up today so you will hear all about it next week, when I have fully recovered and have a computer once more.

This weekend is going to ROCK!! I love my Convict and we are going to have the adventure of our lives!! The only thing I am going to ask for this weekend? Is a little more "warmth."

Just 5 degrees more please! That would be great! Thank You!!

xxox,

Mal

My Super Awesome Weekend Plans... "Neener Neener!!"

2009-01-30T09:51:00.000+01:00

Hey Y'all... I just want to check in one last time before the weekend really hits here.. Because I am going to be buuuuusssaaayyy!!

To~~morrow~~night we are going out for cocktails to celebrate the end of Uni with a few of my Oldenburg loves and J-me. BTW? I am officially changing my Aussie J-me's name to Convict.. It's what I call her... I'll tell ya the story some other time...

So Friday night we, meaning I, am getting a little shitty... Convict will be driving us home later so she can only throw back a few... It's going to be hella fun!

Then I'm staying the night at her place, where upon the next morning we are going to be transported to Frankfurt via her German Mom.. FREE RIDE TO FRANKFURT BABY!!!

Once we are there we, at this moment in time, have no where to sleep... I am actually loving this... Either we will find a place to crash or totally bum it up in the train station... But either way I have a feeling we won't being doing much sleeping this weekend.. So, if we have to, we can stash our bags in a 24 hour locker for 3 euros and get fucked up!!

Also? I am getting my nose pierced this weekend.. My Poppa Bear is going to flip a tiny little bitch about this... especially now that he has facebook and knows all of my goings on.* But I'll just remind him that I could've gotten a tat... Which he has never wanted one of his daughters to do... Don't ask me why... and he doesn't really give a shit if someone else has them... But he has threatened us with sand paper if we ever get one, and I don't care enough about it to really get it done... Plus? I can't commit to a tat... I can't even commit to a Man.... How would I live with the same Tat my whole life??!?... I know myself and the answer to that question is simple: "Not very well."

So this weekend I am living life spontaneously, carrying around my glasses and toothbrush with me wherever we go... Who knows where we'll end up!!! Life is one great big adventure, and as usual, I want to be first in line!

Oh, and the reason my English is becoming so weird? Is because of all the German I am learning... It seriously fucks up my English sometimes... Seriously.... My goal for this weekend.. or at least when I am good and drunk and become almost fluent in German?? Is to speak Deutsch with a Country Hick accent!... "Southern Belle Deutsch!" Interesting, right?.. hope it has the same effect on men here as it does at home.. ;) I'll keep you posted!

*I don't mind that he has facebook... I feel like I get to talk to him a little more now... Last night he told me "Good night my little one." and my Daddys girl heart just melted...

2009-01-29T00:10:00.001+01:00

I am thin and curvy!

I have my full range back vocally!

I have enough money for all my summer travel plans and more!

I will have a bike!

Mein Deutsch ist nicht gut.....

2009-01-28T13:54:00.002+01:00

Transportation in Germany isn't as great as it was in Austria... Graz had Trams... and Trams?? Are a-fucking-mazing!

Here I have a bus that comes once an hour... and it is always fucking late... always... except for those times when I am running late... then the fucker is early...

And a one way ticket is 2,80....

After I had figured out the "system" I started passing the one way ticket off as a two way ticket... They are the same size, and if you just hand it to them ready to stamp they don't say anything.

This went very well until we got new bus drivers at the beginning of this month... Especially since most of them are women.... Who are stereotypical and can't drive... good times... no really... Great! NOT!! Have I mentioned I get motion sickness??....

Well, they actually check the tickets, and lately I have been getting caught trying to pass the one way ticket off as the two way ticket... but no biggy, I just play the "I don't speak Deutsch" card and get another ticket... Which I really really don't want to do... 2,80 adds up ppl.... especially since prices went up at the beginning of 2009 too... stupid bitches..

Last night the driver was a dude, I recognized him from once before and I gave him a two day old ticket first... Then when he handed it back to me, explaining what was wrong, I spoke to him in English and passed him the other ticket.. Which he looked at and looked at and then got frustrated and waved me through because I had whipped out my iPod like I didn't have a care in the world and was perusing my playlist. Like I wasn't actually aware I had the wrong ticket...

The thing is though?? Unless they switch back to the old drivers? It's only a matter of time before they start recognizing me... I can only play the "stupid enlish speaker" card so many times before the jig is up...

I'm sad though... I like thinking up new ways to outwit them... My newest ploy is to go ahead and buy a 2 way ticket for a couple weeks and when they think I've learned my lesson, start switching back to the one ways...

Is this petty? Yes...

But that 2,80 is the equivalent of a bottle of wine or some chocolate... Plus, the bus is always fucking late... I have to stand out in the cold, freezing my lady parts off for 10-20 minutes every time I catch the bus... For that alone I believe I deserve to ride the fucking bus for free... If you aren't going to provide the service perfectly you don't deserve my booze money you fucking Krauts!

On the bright side?? When the new school semester starts my friend is going to "Lose" her school ID which allows her to ride busses AND TRAINS for free..... So I just have to hold out for a little while longer!

What are you looking at?

2009-01-27T13:29:00.003+01:00

Fuck it all... I was going to write a thrilling blog about how I suck at blogging lately... all I write about is... "Wonderful life this, Wonderful life that...." and even though my life does rock?? I'm kind of tired of writing about it... at least for the moment...

I miss days of writing stories.. substance... Things that happened to me.... adventures...

And it's not like I am lacking subject matter. I'm totally not...

I just don't feel inspired to write it. Or I start and then my ADD kicks in and I have an "oooo shiny" moment...

So eff it... I am going to tell you my good news and I don't care if it isn't witty and well written.. Because even though I am surrounded by some of the greatest writers here in bloggyland... I know I am not so good... but I love it.. and ya know what?? Fuck you all... I will write my sucky writing and blog my sucky blog!! Because even though my blog has to wear a helmet (it has a pink sparkly crown on it John), I rock at life since I have finally taken my pink helmet off there!

I don't care if that last sentence is even cognizant... and I don't care if I am spelling correctly or not... or if I even used the word cognizant correctly... I do this for me... or at least I try to.

I know that I use too many periods and I am an exclamation whore!!.... But I'm cool with that. And I can't not blog, just because I want to be this incredible writer, and I'm not...

I write... I like it! It's an emotional outlet for me... and when I look back in twenty years and read about my first one night stand?? I will smile and sigh while licking my lips and looking my man piece up and down... Then I will jump his bones!!

So yeah... my news... Some of you have heard about this some of you haven't...

I am leaving my job early and biking/back packing through Europe for 3 1/2 - 4 months!!

The details are not finely tuned yet... I know I will spend at least a month in Italy. I will got to Austria, Hungary, France, Spain and Portugal... I have a HUGE list of countries and cities I want to visit but I will probably stick with about 6 or 7 and make a circle and end up back in Germany where my shit will be and fly out November 2nd...

And the first thing I will be doing when I get back to the states besides hugging my family, Driving a car and sleeping with my dog... Will be eating Mexican food... Gawd I hope Ricardos is open that late!!!

Okay.... but again... my trip... My friend T, who lives in Venice will be bartending there all summer so I will stay with her for a few weeks, or until I wear out my welcome... LOL... She even said she might want to go with me for a short time which would be amazing!!

I'm almost considering make it just a 4 country tour and spending about 2 months in italy alone... riding through Florence and Tuscany... Going to Rome... My friend Tiff from my hometown is thinking about using her tax return to come to Europe so we would meet in Italy!... and I am hoping to convince my mom to meet with me in Greece!

So yeah... This is my big 24th birthday present to myself!! Or at least that is what I am calling it... LOL..

Now? I need to hop in the shower... I smell... and I have German class tonight...

I am debating whether to take classes next semester or not... I really don't feel like dishing out 125 for it... Is that horrible?? And I am learning the language... I'm just not sure if my vocab is up to jumping into another class... but I also don't want to blow off German... Nor do I want to spend any of my precious summer money.... Le freaking sigh... I'm leaning towards no class... just because of the money aspect... Which would mean I will be kicking my ass into gear and teaching myself more german... Which I am actually being very good at right now!

And after this weekend in Frankfurt I know it will be even better... I think I will decide by Monday whether I am or not... Anyone want to throw in their two cents, feel free... I need all the guidance I can get on this one!!

Oh, and Frankfurt this weekend is going to be GREAT!! I am dreaming of a big, burly, tall, muscly dude with lots of Tattoos for this weekend... Hopefully I get what I want...

More on all of these subjects later... for now it is shower time!

Ladies and Gentleman

2009-01-26T10:28:00.002+01:00

Thank god I never made a bet on this...

Because I would be eating some serious crow right now...

My Poppa Bear just friended me on facebook...

My Technologically challenged Father...

The Father who sneers at phones with cameras in them because dude... All you need is the phone, not all that extra crap... right?

The one who doesn't give a shit about electronic planners and still carries around a Ginormous organizer with all the information he needs in it for his days, weeks and years... that contains all of his customers information as well... seriously, it's huge...

Yeah....

That Father...

At least I will be able to bug him more often now... not that he will ever be on the damn thing...

But I did suggest some friends for him earlier.. and I must say I gave myself a damn good chuckle when I suggested my Aunt Left Wing for his as a friend... They are arch enemies of the political kind... And don't really, how shall I put this, always get along.... I have a feeling he will get a good chuckle out of it too and then promptly friend her just to see if he can get a reaction... Good times... Good times...

Facebook... LMAO... Fucking Facebook....

What exactly IS a real job??

2009-01-25T18:38:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I really love my job for reasons beyond the obvious perks... No real responsibility, I work in my Jammies, I can sleep when I want, I get to travel the freaking world, etc, etc, etc...

But sometimes... I love my job because Boo can be the funniest damn kid ever..

Case in point:

*Swordfighting*

ME: You defeat your pirate foe...

BOO: What Foe?

ME: Because I said so..... (Rolling on the floor, literally, laughing my ass off...)

BOO: *Giving me the side eye, confused about the reason I am laughing my ass off*

He also loves Queen... He almost has Bohemian Rhapsody memorized... This makes me one of the proudest damn Au pairs in the entire freaking world!!

But what cracks me up about this is we will be painting, or playing playdo, or just goofing around and he will break into song singing "Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead.. Mama life had just begun, and now you've gone and blown it all away.."

Good thing if he sings this in kindergarten they won't understand what he is singing... right??

I wish I could post one of the many videos I've taken of him rocking out, but alas, he is not my child... Thank Allah... I'm not ready for that shit yet!

I'm just glad we share the same taste in music... cuz even when the little bugger is pissing me off, all I have to do is put in a CD and we sing and dance for an hour...

2009-01-22T13:22:00.003+01:00

Ummmmm Y'all??

Ya know when ya want somethin really bad and you ask for it and think about it and then finally you are like... eff planning, it is just going to happen...

and then it does??

That is kind of what my life is all about.

I miss snickerdoodle cookies... and oatmeal cookies... and, well.... soft mushy cookies...

2009-01-21T11:55:00.003+01:00

The past two weeks have settled into a comfortable routine... a routine that is about to be shattered... and I couldn't be happier.. I love that it is so sporadic and for a week or two I am sitting on my ass twiddling my thumbs saving up energy for the shit I'm going to get into and then the next weeks I will be travelling my ass off and having the adventures I always dreamed of as a small child!

Because y'all?? I know I have said it about a million times, but... I am living my dream... Wow...

And I think that realizing that.. Realizing that this is something I have read, dreamt, planned, played, acted and talked about since I was a kid... Has finally helped me come to terms with putting my voice on the sidelines... Because I love my voice. I love what I can do with it. I love my talent, and I love my craft. It is as much a part of me as my Native American nose, my long ass legs and my love handles that I have oddly enough, come to love...

But travelling? Seeing the World? Having Adventure after adventure?

That is what I dreamt about when I was a child. Granted... I have always been a human music box.. K-Rae plays with her hair... I think that life is a musical... The people surrounding me are just lucky that I am talented or they would be subjected to a toads voice that thinks life is a musical.. Because I can gaurantee you all that I would still sing.. Just not professionally... Instead of paying me to sing... people would be trying to pay me to stop.. So count your blessings. Instead of singing Bohemian Rhapsody as if it were classically arranged my Mozart... I could just be screaming it at the top of my lungs.... oh wait, I do that too.... never mind.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't feel like I am putting my voice and years of training on the back burner... I am making my life what I have always dreamed it would be.

Travelling
Singing
Family
Friends
Adventure
Laughing
Crying
Sex
Love
Art

I am making my mark on this world.

I love sleeping...

2009-01-19T23:15:00.002+01:00

It's what I have been spending the majority of the past two days doing...

And no, I don't feel bad...

Reason one is because Boo is currently learning how to ride his bike and I was runnin along side it so as to prevent the very accident that happened..... and in trying to save his ass (he turned the wheel sharply to the left, I was on the right... I have witnesses people, I didn't push him, LOL) I got nailed in the right side of the neck with his handlebar. Not that I even realized this until the next day when it swelled up like I had a tennis ball under there....

So yeah... sleeping to recover from my injured neck...

Then, the past two days I haven't had much better to do... I read, I sketch... I fuck around online but have no real desire to blog or much of anything else.... So I sleep...

AND? The dreams I have when I sleep like this are the coolest thing ever! Almost like a drug....

Good times....

Well, I basically just wanted to say hi.

soooooooooooo.....

"Hi!"

Hope you all had great weekends!!

I did! Which I am very happy about cuz I was thinking it had some serious potential to suck ass!!

What did y'all do??

xxox

MIA

2009-01-15T21:02:00.003+01:00

Sorry I am so MIA today... hehehe, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it...

Again, Sorry, now that I am done being a 12 year old, let me introduce you to the reason I am not really around today...

This Book is the fucking schnitzel!!!

I have read the first two books... which you really should do, because even though this one can "stand alone" The first two give you so much history on the couple... and the sex is hot... especially in the second one... Oh My Gawd... I want to fuck a vampire...

But enough about me... Tell me about the last book/books y'all read!! Maybe you can even ~~mail me some~~ give me some suggestions on what to order...

Well, now I am going to go back to being the bookworm I was born to be!!

Did I ever mention I used to get grounded from reading?? Yes, I was a total nerd... still am actually, thank you all for overlooking that little tid bit! xxox

Untitled

2009-01-14T14:33:00.003+01:00

I have so much to say....

But my drive to actually say it all is limited...

Sometimes I am still so amazed that I live here..

That I took the risk and followed my childhood dreams..

I'm doing this shit!

I'm really doing it.

I am travelling..

I am living..

I am loving..

I am embracing everything..

The good.

The bad..

The amazing..

This breath taking existence that is my life.

Holy shit...

Holy fucking shit...

my secret monday..... on tuesday.....

2009-01-13T14:37:00.005+01:00

I just finished reading one of the post secret books "A Lifetime of Secrets" that I ordered last week. It came in the mail today and I was sooo excited when Boo handed it to me! It's a rather large book. I was expecting to see something small and compact. I thought about sending it to my mother but this book amazing. If you don't own one you should. And I don't want to part with it for awhile....

So Mom? Go buy one!! Don't get the same one that I have and in a month we can mail each other our different copies and share them... Sound good?

Because it is a beautiful book!

What's funny, is this kind of correlates with the art project I have been working on.

And it also makes me realize that I haven't posted a My Monday Secret in awhile... Mainly because I don't have a whole lot of secrets and generally reveal them only when I am in the mood. Whether it is a funny secret or a serious one.. So even though it's not Monday... Here is my secret:

I think I should paint!.....

2009-01-12T19:02:00.002+01:00

I am soooooo mother fucking pissed right now.

Like,

REALLY. FUCKING. PISSED...

I know that negative energy collects more negative energy and so on...

Snow ball effect/affect and what not... Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit......

But seriously...

Okay... Let's spin this around... instead of looking at it like this: "My stupid mother fucking German family isn't giving me Monday off so that I can have an extra day in Paris with my girls and then take the night bus back with them instead of a night ahead of them (Because they already told me they don't really need me Monday)..."

Let's look at it like this: "Febuary I am going to Paris and I will spend Saffa's Birthday and Valentines day with 2 of the greatest new people to come into my life!! Yeah, it's only 2 days... But it's better than nothing!! and it's PARIS, on Valentines day.. We will all get to mock the mushy couples everywhere and then make out with random guys in bars!! How fucking fun will that be??"

Okay... I feel a little better... The ice cream and knock off Baileys might also have something to do with that... and the Tool that I currently have blaring on my lap top..... ... But happiness is happiness in my book... I'm equal oppurtunity, whether it was caused by booze or sex... both are drugs of one kind or another...

And on THAT note... I'm horny... I think I will whip out the old vibrator tonight!

For a more positive post scroll down, apparently I have a lot to say today because this is my third post... suck it!

Smelly Clothes

2009-01-12T14:15:00.003+01:00

I finally unpacked my suitcase from Hamburg Sunday night....

I was smelling my way through my clothes deciding what was clean and what was dirty...

What?? Don't look at your computer screen that way.... We all do it... don't even act like you are too good for the smell test!

Well, as I was saying... I was un-packing.. and I pulled out my favorite tye-dyed T-shirt pictured below somewhere in the shower post.... I almost threw it directly into the dirty pile, because lets face it... I wore it almost every night in Hamburg... But, I decided to do the smell test anyway.

And what did I find to my pleasure??

That is smelled just like my Hamburg Cop... with a hint of sex....

I think I had my face buried in that mess for minutes before I came up for a real breath of air.

It took me right back to the night/morning we had our marathon... It was delicious...

and you better believe I slept in that shit last night...

Yeah... It might be pitiful... But that was a great night!

The sex was amazing and the fact that I was even willing to have* a one night stand, said so much about the person I am and the direction I am going in 2009...

The scent on my jammies from that night bring back all the elated emotions about 2009. About my fresh start. About being the person I truly am and not faking it anymore.

And yeah... It also reminds me of a very tall man who treated my like a goddess and like a lady... Wonder what he's up to... Hopefully I will find out one weekend soon....

*I know that some of you might think that my jump into one night standom makes me a whore... I appreciate your compliments... Thank you!

Auch?? I have another post up already today.... scroll down and read it too!

Idiot Savants

2009-01-12T13:11:00.003+01:00

Soooo everyone in my house has been sick for the past 3 weeks... Even I was a little under the weather for a while at the end of 2008, and lost my voice for the first week of 2009. But that wasn't due to illness... That was due to the crazy adventures of New Years celebrations...

But I am figuring out why they are staying so sick...

They wipe the floor with the same sponge they then use on counters and the table...

They allow Boo to bring his stuffed animals, Sonne and Nini, into the bathroom and then put them on the floor... Afterwards he picks them up and they go straight to his mouth...

I'm not a complete germ freak by any means... I believe a kid should be around a little bacteria so his immune system isn't shot to hell... But this mess is too much...

Take his damn stuffed animals and wash them so he doesn't stay so sick... Don't wear the same damn out fit 2 or 3 days in a row.... I realize that is your normal routine... Europeans can be weird that way.... (Not that I have much room to talk because when it comes to my jammies I wear them over and over again...) But when you are sick you are just constantly putting yourself in contact with the same germs over and over again...

Like, you'd think they would know this. They are very intelligent people after all.... But they are both very much Idiot Savants. Book smart, intelligent with no common sense.... And Lysol?? SOOOOOOO not easy to find in this country... Is Oust the same thing?? Cuz they do have that, at 4 euros a pop... But I am going to start spraying everything down... I already keep wet wipes in my room and I am considering buying some for the kitchen... I also miss Clorox wipes... Those babies are the bomb diggity... I'm just wondering how offended they will be when I throw out all their sponges and start using wet wipes and oust on everything....

What do you think... Can I manage to clean like a freak in private??

Smile

2009-01-11T14:02:00.003+01:00

If you have 16 minutes to watch this short film I highly recommend that you do!

I watched it on J's blog first.....

Thinking about.......

2009-01-10T22:13:00.001+01:00

Getting my nose pierced......

It's an idea I have played around with before...

But I've never had the balls to do it.

I want to hear every ones opinion...

ESPECIALLY if you have had one or have one...

Thanks a Mill!!!

xxox

I'm soooooooo EXCITED!!!

2009-01-10T20:22:00.003+01:00

Mah Luv J-me is moving back to Oldenburg!!!!

I'm not excited or happy about the way she was treated in France...

BUT... I am SOOOOOOO freaking happy that she is moving back here!

Like, Really fucking happy!

She is going to be RIGHT THERE again!!

Call me needy and call me selfish.

But Fuck I am glad she is going to be back!!!

The End!

"Malskeys World" bullet style........

2009-01-09T15:03:00.005+01:00

- Tonight I am going to a friends house in Oldenburg. I'm going to make Chili and she is going to make dessert, then we are going to watch a movie and act like girls!! I'm excited!!

- I have a little art project that I am really really enjoying right now... but it's a secret!! I won't do a post on it until I have them mailed out.. and that will probably be Monday, because I need the weekend to finish the rest of them.. But the few I have completed I am immeasurably pleased with!! They are sooooo cool, and everyone better love the hell out of them OR ELSE!! LOL... It's funny because they really aren't much... but I feel like my creative edge is back! and even though the materials are kind of "blah" the passion and the message behind each piece is beautiful and touching in its own way!!

- Man I am not good at keeping my own secrets... I get soooooo excited about something that I can't help but burst my own bubble... but not this time y'all, seriously.

- Last night I was not happy to be in class... I had a case of "Homebody" syndrome with a splash of restless ADD.. AND, Ma Boo Arafamo wasn't in class so it wasn't as fun.... THEN I had to wait 20 minutes... TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES in the freezing ass cold for my mother fucking bus... the Three Leighty!! Seriously... It is never on time... I am tired of it.. because no matter how much I say... The bus is going to be on time today... or The next bus that turns the corner is going to be mine... it doesn't fucking work... Karma, I know I was Little Miss Late in the states... but cut me some slack here... I can only handle so much cold while I'm immobile, and the fucking Germans look at me funny when I start doing lunges and squats.. So please... for my dignity... Let my bus be on time!!! Viele Danke!!

- I still haven't unpacked from Hamburg.... I'm lazy... Fuck off!

- ALSO?? I am going to get my Red Passport... For those of you who don't know what it is... Look it up, I'm lazy... has to do with the European Union or something like that... but I will basically be able to go where ever and stay for almost how ever long I want to... No Visas!!! Starting Monday I will be making phone calls to Portugal about my Great Nana's birth certificate and getting other information together! It is going to be a little difficult, but OHHH sooo worth it! I am really excited so any good vibes you feel like throwing my way please do!! I don't want this to just be a possibility.. I want this to be a FACT!! and it is a fact!! Monday we're gonna get the ball rolling!! And Thank you Mom for jumping on the train as soon as I mentioned it!! We are going to kick ass making this happen!! I Love You!!!

- Ummmm... I think that is all.... Hope you all have a GREAT weekend!! I will be painting, sketching and watching Boo... A lazy weekend... Which is good cuz I have a feeling the rest of the month is going to be crazy good!! What are you all up to for the weekend?? I want deets!! Thanks! xxox

- My Hair Today... Ha.. ha.... I soo love it!! LMAO

I'm a giant living in a world full of little people...

2009-01-08T20:43:00.005+01:00

This is me in the shower at my friends in Hamburg...

This is me "rinsing" my hair in the shower in Hamburg...

Color me fucked people, color me fucked.

Also? No offense to little people.

P.S. Yes, I did salvage that T-shirt out of the Goodwill bag... My mom thought she was sneaky and could get rid of it for me... and I have had those boxers since I was at least 16...

2008, wasn't it great!

2009-01-07T13:43:00.003+01:00

What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Moved to Germany!

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make very clear resolutions last year. But I was wishing for a big change and I made it happen!

Did anyone close to you give birth? I'm not sure how close we are... but some friends from High School popped out a few.

Did anyone close to you die? Yes...

What countries did you spend time in this year? U.S.A. and Germany!!

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Sex. I didn't have sex at all in 2008. Wow... That's fucked up.....

What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 4th, the day I moved to Germany, and the day America was changed forever.

What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Taking time for myself. Learning about who I am and truly accepting myself. Taking care of myself, putting my foot down to stop being such a people pleaser all the time and making my single years about me.

What was your biggest failure? I had to think about this.. I finished the whole survey and came back... But honestly, I don't like to concentrate on things I might have failed at. I don't look at them as failures. I look at them as lessons, life lessons. Lessons I would have never learned otherwise. and thus looking at them that way. They become milestones, they become little successes... So no, I did not fail in 2008. Every experience was a mini triumph!!

Did you suffer any serious injury or illness? No, but I was sicker in 2008 than I have ever been before.

What was the best thing you bought? My plane ticket to Germany.

Whose behaviour merited celebration? My Families and Friends... and K-Rae has really helped me during my move to Germany. My seester has remembered all the little things that are important and I couldn't be more thankful to know how much she cares!

Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed? Erins, but my behavior wasn't flawless either. We were both at fault.

Where did most of your money go? Travelling!!

Compared to this time last year, are you,

a) happier or sadder? Happier

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner

c) richer or poorer? Richer

What did you get really, really excited about? Performing again, Spending the summer with my family and friends, Travelling and Moving to GERMANY!

What do you wish you'd done more of? Travelling, I will never get enough!

Did you fall in love in 2008? With myself.

How many one-night stands? LMAO, None.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No.

What was the best book you read? The Secret and Acheron.

What did you want and not get? I received what I wanted most!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Celebrated at home with family and friends. Made potato salad, grilled chicken, and had fun!! I turned 23.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Sex... LOL

What political issue stirred you the most? I don't like to discuss my political views.. sorry......

Who did you miss? We always miss someone.

Who was the best new person you met? Well shit.... I have had so many new people come into my life and old friends return. I've made so many friends this past year and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I can't just pick one...

Tell us a valuable life lesson(s) you learned in 2008: To trust myself totally and 100%. I am the only person who lives my life. I am the only person who must deal with the consequences of my actions and I am the only person that I have to make happy!!

What sums up this year? (a word, a quote... ?) "I will not lose so you can win." From the musical "Last Five Years"

I stole this from Kara BTW....

My Moment

2009-01-07T12:45:00.004+01:00

It's snowing right now. Great, big, giant snowflakes.. as I write this I am staring out the window watching them paint the landscape and the houses surrounding us white.

It is beautiful.. Looks like millions of downy feathers are being dropped from the sky, and it frustrates me to no end that I can't capture the beauty of it with my camera.

So I sit and I watch. I memorize the feeling of watching snowflakes as big as my thumb fall to the ground. Because it's magical.

I am magical.

My life is magical.

and the people who surround me are magical.

Wish you all could share this moment with me.

New Years Eve 2009

2009-01-06T18:19:00.006+01:00

First of all.... I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to get ready for the day ahead.

Showered.

Didn't shave... figured It wouldn't matter... HA! was I wrong.

Grabbed the rest of my crap together and headed out the door.

German Dad drove me to the bus stop as planned and I waited....

and waited....

and waited some more.

Now, my bus has been known to be 20 minutes late.. So I wasn't completely off my rocker waiting for the bus, watching the sunrise and freezing my ass off.

But 30 minutes later, I knew if I waited too much longer I was going to miss my train.

So I called my German family, with pleasure I might add, to come pick me up and take me to the train station... You should have just taken me in the first place Bitches!!

Getting to the station I joined J-me and she immediately handed me a bag full of booze and goodies... We were off to a good start!

Getting on the first train we goofed around and, almost ceremoniously, the bag of booze broke and bottles and goodies went everywhere... The people on that train thought we were looney!! We loved it!

So we packed the booze away in our suitcases and settled in for the ride to Bremen where we would switch trains.

When we reached Bremen we grabbed our suitcases and started to get off.... and that is when I noticed the HUGE puddle left under her bag.

Someone had an accident...

It turned out to be the pink Champagne.

And the Drunken Cow had consumed most of it... Dirty Drunken Cow....

After that we switched trains... And had a photo shoot... It was good times... OH, and we started our first bottle of Champagne... The one the Drunken Cow had tried so hard to entirely consume.. we thought it was our civic duty to finish it for him!!

Arriving in Hamburg Saffa picked us up! We went back to her house and continued drinking the good stuff.. Then went with her German Family to the river for some hiking, ice skating on the beach and hot chocolate laced with rum.... It was fun.

Back at the house we continued drinking. I was pooped. So when I passed out on the bed they decided to take the opportunity to create the whole new children's books series called "Where's Malskeys!" I think it will be a big hit here in Deutschland...

Later, when I finally woke up from my comatose state. They were laughing their asses off and told me to go upstairs and get dinner... I dutifully complied.

After that we started to get ready.

Layering on the leggings and stockings for the -10 degree weather waiting for us outside...

And the end product?? Three Hot Bitches!! Seriously!

Running out the door with our 50th bottle of Champagne. We are ready to get the party started!
I popped the cork and was promptly showered in bubbles... Thankfully I had my camera in my pocket!! hehehe.. cuz my clutch was COVERED!!!

Hopping on the train we took pictures, laughed our asses off and drank, drank, drank!! Making sure to save enough for the actual stroke of midnight!

When we walked up the stairs from the S-bahn it was magical. There were millions of fireworks. Thousands of people crowding the streets screaming their Happy New Years and Whatever the hell it was the Germans said... (can't remember, LOL)

We stood on the side walk shouting out to people, shaking hands, sharing sloppy New Years kisses with strangers and dodging errant fire works.. I couldn't have been happier! I was with friends that I loved. In an amazing place, ready to ring the New Year in with Style!!

Smile Bitches, it's 2009!!!

2009-01-06T00:18:00.003+01:00

Bones starts again this Wednesday!

I am sooooooo stinking excited!!

Life is good.

2 months in Germany.

A year of blogging under my belt.

I finally got laid. I'm still savoring it.

I am walking into the New Year as the actual person I have been pretending to be for years.

I have never been happier and I feel absolutely, 100%, comfortable in my own skin.

I can't really describe the feeling.

It's as if the one puzzle piece that has been missing, was finally locked into place.

I feel the contentment, the happiness, the peace, that I have been waiting for.

The self confidence that I have been faking, at times, is real.

I'm no longer "Faking it till I make it"

I've made it.

I've made it!

I've.

Fucking..

Made...

It!!!!

I've made it.....

Thank you for sticking with me through out the ride!

We're going to have hella more fun times ahead.

I can't wait!!

New Years Resolutions and Goals for 2009

2009-01-03T22:40:00.000+01:00

I Will:

Become fluent in German.
Travel the world. I will go to France, Turkey, Spain, Italy, Russia, Amsterdam, Portugal, Egypt, Austria, Greece, Ireland, Scotland, England and many, many more.
Sing.
Make new friends in new places!
Paint.
Meet, experience and have fun with many men. I'll find "The One" eventually... Until then? It's time to have fun!!
Spend Christmas 2009 with my family back in the states.
Be healthy!!!
Be deliriously happy!
Have perfect skin!!

I hope you all are as excited about the New Year as I am. I hope you are excited for the fresh start. I hope you are excited to shed your old baggage and start new! I hope you are excited to be able to walk into the New Year as whatever kind of person you choose and succeed at life!! Because 2009 is going to be one wild ass fun as hell ride!! And I am READY!!

Also?? I've already checked a few things off my list... More on that Monday....

New Years, It's Time!

2008-12-31T06:00:00.001+01:00

I'm leaving for Hamburg..... SOOOOO excited!! It's going to be a blast!

Happy New Years!!

2009 is going to be the best year yet!!!

XOXO

ees hahrd to wash aneeteeng whehn yoo getteeng barbeequued mahn!!

2008-12-30T14:14:00.004+01:00

I leave for Hamburg early in the fucking morning tomorrow.

I am going to catch the bus at 7:45am.... yeah.... anyone want to shoot me??

My German family had offered to take me to the train station, but apparently it is too long of a drive that early in the morning to take me to Oldenburg... But they offered to take me to the train station in Bet Zet... Yeah... because I want to pay more for a train ticket that will take me to Oldenburg, than just hopping on a bus to take me there would.... Stupid smart people. So instead, I am going to drag one of their asses out of bed even earlier to drop me off at the bus station here in town. Yeah, I'm a little miffed.... I really, really have to stop comparing them to my own family. Because even if my own family was hungover and it was 5 in the morning on a Sunday..... if they had offered, they would get you to where you needed to be... They might be grumbling the entire way... but they damn well would get it done... Stinkin' Germans....

But enough of my bitching about my German family... Things with them will resolve themselves... I think we are both finally realizing what works for the other one.. But again, moving on....

Even though our train leaves at 9 in the morning. J-me and I are going to have a freaking blast!!! We are obscenely excited about it... Who knew train rides at the butt crack of dawn could be so exciting?? (and for those of you doubting the butt crack of dawn joke don't, the sun comes out hella late here and goes down hella early... Fucker) I am about to run out and grab some booze and snacks, and orangensaft.

SOOOOO... I got my last package from The Momma and Family and couldn't wait to open it!! When I did I found so many goodies I could hardly contain myself! YAY!!! Stuff to make Fudge, Chili, Corn bread, Rice Crispy Treats, Sweet n Low, Midol, enough Tampons to last me YEARS!!, and presents as far as the eyes could see.... Wrapped in the coolest damn ribbons ever, that belonged to my Great Aunt! How cool is that??

I got the cape that I was lusting after.. Two new pairs of jeans that fucking fit... Yes, I never tried them on... NEVER, and they fit perfect!!... For realz?? How does that happen?? I got my Christmas Pajamas (still wearing them actually), a 400GB external hard drive (That is a TON of memory... WOW...) and a few other things I am sure I am forgetting!!

I am also a very bad girl... I was going to wait until tonight cuz I missed K-Rae yesterday... But I wanted to know what she got me.... So I opened her presents too.... (I did have permission.... but I am hoping to open them again tonight on skype... yeah, I re-wrapped them already...) But I love the gifts!! Both of which are going to be worn and taken with me to Hamburg... Which is really the reason I opened them... I wanted to make sure I would have room for them if I wanted to pack them after I "Opened" them... She doesn't have to know...

I'm still WAY excited about the jeans though.... I wouldn't have survived it here without jeans... and when I went jean shopping here in the beginning, I didn't find jack shit... Sooooo... YAY MOM!!!

Also? Would you all send me a few good health vibes... I am still slightly under the weather with a scratchy throat and itchy ears, but nothing hurts anymore and there is no fever! No white crap... a little phlegm... but I can feel myself getting better... Might have something to do with the bottles of orange juice, milk, vitamins and meds I am consuming... But I am getting betta!!

Okay, I am going to get dressed. And then run some errands, then come home and finish packing... FOR MY VACATION!!! YAY!!!

Oh shit... I almost forgot.... Country Boy... sent me a gift... I opened the box and there was a ton of bubble wrap, a Camo beanie, and a card... I was insanely excited about the beanie... So cute and reminds me of home... Then I pulled out the bubble wrap and the card... and came face to face with a jewelry shaped box... (side note: Country boy wraps presents better than I do... but then again, a monkey could probably do that too... but it was actually wrapped rather well... fuck) So I pull out the box, and I am talking to my mom on skype... and I am like fuck no he didn't, I swear to Alleebuz if it is a ring I am going to kick him in the nuts!!

So I open it and I can't look at it. I hold it up to the camera for my mom to look at and have her tell me what it is... It is a necklace, an emerald necklace... simple, delicate chain, dainty, actually pretty..... I was like... WTF??

Later when I talked to him, half thanking him, half telling him he was in trouble (and he knew he was going to be... as soon as he read my status on FB saying I was going to open it he completely got off the internet so I couldn't contact him until I cooled off...) I asked him why he picked an emerald.. and he said it was because he couldn't remember if I liked Jade or Emeralds and when he was looking all the Jade pieces were too big and gawdy and he liked the Emerald... Who knew Country Boy had taste?? One day he is going to make some woman a very good husband, that woman just isn't going to be me..... and he pretty much knows that. I never hid anything and I have always been completely honest with him... sometimes brutally so... and the poontang?? He ain't never had any... So ladies... If you want to make your new man smitten?? Hold on to the goods... Because most of the men who have fallen hard for me haven't had any of my pie, if ya know what I mean....

That is all!! Kisses!!

Disclaimer: I am not a bitch... And I am not manipulating him.... I just never really had the oppurtunity to sleep with him... so fuck off!! Cuz I might have....

Ramblings of a Country girl in Deutschland

2008-12-29T13:08:00.002+01:00

I sound so freaking German sometimes... So I am quick to embrace my country accent whenever I get the chance. Especially when I am meeting new people. They don't quite know what to make of the English language when they hear it roll off my lips in a southern drawl. They don't know whether to believe me or not, because it honestly sounds like a completely new language to their ears, even more so when I throw in some "Y'alls" and "Ya'heres." It's funny to see the concentration on their faces as they try to pick out each individual word, but can't because with a true southern drawl, the use of consonants is limited... I am assuming it is what my face looks like while trying to follow a German conversation...

I get my package today!! I am hoping that it makes me feel like Christmas has actually come and gone, because right now it just doesn't feel like anything.... All the traditions I am used to experiencing have been out of my reach so it kind of feels like I am in Christmas limbo and that the dance we have been dancing won't be complete until next Christmas when I will be home again. That is an odd analogy, I know... But I'm rambling today.. so kiss it! But seriously... YAY for my package!!

I am a little sick... Not sure what it is.. But I feel much better today... Yesterday I felt like shit... Probably had something to do with that damn Kilkenny I consumed the night before auch. Because y'all?? I am not allowed to drink any more Kilkenny's.... They give me the worst hangovers imaginable. Remember my hangover on the way back from Chicago?? My TWO DAY hangover?? Kilkenny... And last week I had a Kilkenny hangover too... But it was from 3 beers instead of like 7-10 (really can't remember quite how many I had in Chicago... I know it was at least 7.... But my memory is a little iffy..) but it doesn't hurt to swallow today... and my body doesn't ache or hurt to be touched... and I have no fever.. (it was 101 yesterday) So I am getting better... and with no alcohol until New Years Eve?? I will be good to go!! Also?? I am taking a few meds.. Nothing like antibiotics.. I think they are more herbal.. but the family has them and they are helping!

Did I mention that I get my package today?? Cuz for realz!! PACKAGE!!! Wooo Hooo!!

Ummmmmm........ That's all for now... I might update through out the day... but who knows...

X to the O!!

Milk...

2008-12-28T21:54:00.001+01:00

Does a body good!!

Goin' Out!

2008-12-27T16:15:00.002+01:00

To Patio in Oldenburg!!

As a farewell for J-me who is moving to France directly from Hamburg after our New Years Eve shenanigans!...

Which makes me sad because now I am going to have to travel a hell of a lot farther to see her. But whatevah... We are going to have hella fun in 2009!! Seriously!!

And I have a free place to stay in France... Always look bright side of life right?

Well, I basically just wanted to let everyone know what I was up to tonight!.. I am going to go hop in the shower and wash the stink off me!..

XOXO,
Mal

A Christmas Day Poem

2008-12-26T16:45:00.004+01:00

"What I consumed through out Christmas day,

Was not in a very depressing way.

I had merry company and even a dog.

I was ready to party through the Christmas night fog.

We started with Champagne, 4 glasses or more.

Drinking and laughing till our bellies were sore.

Vodka was next, we had quite a long list.

So we made some Cape Cods with a lime twist.

After two stong drinks we switched to rum.

Making colorful cocktails that were fun.

We drank them with a straw and a decorative flair.

Then played some wii bowling following a dare.

My Wii Cherry was popped, I was a virgin no longer.

So we went to bed to drink and skype with her mother.

Sipping some Baileys we drunkenly called friends.

Scaring our relatives with the ways we could bend.

The next morning I woke up dehydrated and sore.

Thankful I hadn't fallen asleep on the floor.

Sitting up to look around

I remembered my night and sure didn't frown."

If you were trying to keep track of all I had to drink... Here is the condensed version:

- 4+ glasses of Champagne

- 2 Cape Cods

- 3 Rum Cocktails... Colorful and pretty

- 2 glasses of Irish Creme Baileys

- And a beer before I left the house.

I had a great Christmas day!!! I went to the house of a friend, she is an Au pair too and we had a blast hanging out with her family!!

My German Christmas away from home turned out pretty damn good! Hell Yeah!!!!

How was everyone else's Christmas? Did you get everything you wanted? I hope so!! Tell me about it!

Merry Fucking Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T01:01:00.002+01:00

Christmas eve was celebrated as if it was Christmas day here in Germany.

I enjoyed it.

I made the best Green Bean Casserole, a combination of what my Momma sent me and what I got here.... It was almost made from scratch!!!

I got to talk to my Best Friend CHRIS!!!! I freaking love skype... and I love him!!!

My second package is here in Oldenburg... at customs... Instead of getting my package I got another letter saying I needed to come pick it up.... on MONDAY..... LOL... Yay Germany... You kind of blow... but you will never ruin my Christmas spirit ~~again~~.

Monday I get to have Christmas again!!

I did however get the card my Daddy sent me. When I looked at the envelope and realized who it was from, I started crying. And the card itself was perfect. Making my laugh my ass off... I have the best Father in the world!

The family gave me 30 euros!! To you poor Americans out there.. That is equivalent of a million dollars...

And J's mother (German Oma) gave me a beautiful beautiful plate/bowl that contained candy and now holds my jewelry. And 20 Euro, to you Americans out there... That is the equivalent of over HALF a million dollars.... And she gave me a beautiful gold scarf!

Later I opened my stocking stuffers on skype with my Momma and Seester K-Rae... I got socks, Grinch boxers (hell to the yeah!!), SILLY PUTTY!!!!!!!, Roger Rabbit DVD, A beautiful Christmas ornament with an amazing inscription, a book, and the Christmas life savers that I just have to receive every year without fail.

Even without the other package I made out like a felon... a successful felon, that is.

Tomorrow... or rather... today. I am going to clean up my room, paint a picture (I have SOOO many ideas), DO LAUNDRY!!!!, Make Oatmeal no bake cookies, and then go over to my new friends house with my companions Bailey and Vodka and get D-runk!! It is going to be fun!!

Merry Christmas to all of you!! I am so grateful for each and every one of you and for my family and friends (New and Old!!)

I am so blessed in life and even through my bitching, rants and sorrows... I realize that!!

So thank you all!! MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!

Merry Christmas Eve!!

2008-12-24T09:46:00.002+01:00

For those of you who have so patiently read my last post and wondered about the package?? It is on it's way.. It got seperated from it's buddy... So it will get here.. TODAY!! Got that Germany?? TODAY!! Thank you!!

I am getting ready for our celebration today so this has to be short...

But the universes gift to me this year is no hangovers from red wine. No matter how much I pour down my gullet or bath in... YAY ME!! And I was drinking it in merriment last night!! Not self medicating... or maybe it was a combination of both..... LOL...

Thank you all so much for your concern and well wishes during this difficult time for me!! I am grateful for you all!! Even the lurkers!! (Hi Australia!!) You guys never fail to make me smile, help me learn more about myself and get me to think!! XXOO!!!

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!

My ribs hurt

2008-12-22T21:04:00.003+01:00

So it seems like every time I pick myself up.... you pull me back in...

Your name is Susie... not suze...

Sorry... feeling a little Seinfeld(ish)... Kiss my ass... or my sore ribs.. Whichever.

I am SOOOO fucking tired of Germany kicking me when I am down.. or kicking me when I am up... or just fucking kicking me in general...

I am not your god damned hacky sack!!

FUCK... OFF!!!

I am serious.

I have had enough.

I am about to put on my big rings.

Get good and fucking angry.

And unload my god damned temper on your mother loving ass.

And ask any number of the men I have dated or am friends with.

I have a mean right hook when I am pissed....

I have made big burly men cringe.

I have made them react to the pain I created..

Because, again, I re-fucking-peat, I have a nasty ass, mean as hell, dirty right hook.

And??? I have a mean as hell, Dirty fighting Pirate Hooker who will lay you down with me... and not in a good way... We're only dirty bitches to people we like...

With you we are going to wipe your ass with your nose..

And that is a promise.

So here is what is going to happen.

I am going to knock on doors tomorrow to figure out who has my package.

A very nice person is going to answer and tell me how sorry they are. They didn't recognize my name.

I am going to walk home with a smile from ear to ear. Doubly happy because of the anxiety of having to search for my package.

But happy that I will be able to feel close to my family through that package.

Because that is all I really want is; A hug from my Daddy, to lean on his shoulder as we watch a Christmas movie.

To cook Christmas dinner with my mom and drink wine, talk about everything and be merry!

To give K-Rae a hard time while she cooks with us and share stories of everything that is going on in our lives.

I want to Tickle the hell out of Holly on Christmas morning because K-Rae and I ALWAYS wake up earlier than her. We always sneak out to peek at the Christmas stockings on the morning of Christmas. Even though I usually play "Santa" to Holly.... My parents still do the stockings.... And K-Rae and I have never grown out of the excited, can't sleep, "phase."

While Holly has never really experienced it because she doesn't have a sibling close to her age to egg her on in her excitement like K-Rae and I did... We stayed up ALLL.... FUCKING... NIGHT... Christmas eve... We were so excited... but sooooo scared if we snuck out of bed...

The year we lived in Arkansas we were so excited we stayed up all night and even snuck down stairs to look at our stockings at about 3 in the morning.... It was doubly exciting because our Nana was with us for Christmas, and we had just moved.

So that is why these material possessions are important to my mother and I this year. That is why I cry at the thought of not receiving the thoughtfully wrapped gifts that she took such care with just for me. Just so I would be able to feel their love and Christmas spirit from across the world.

Because if I was with them I wouldn't want a gift. Their presence would be enough. Their love and hugs and stories and the fighting and everything would be enough. It always has been.

That is what Christmas is all about.

Yes, I occasionally freak out when I am shopping for my parents, because I want to find them the absolute perfect gift . I want them to know just how much I appreciate how much they have done for me. How all their sacrifices and difficulties were worth it. How important they are to me.

But when it comes down to it. Christmas is about family. It is about the love you share with people in your life. Whether you have created a family through your friends or a husband or a wife.... It is about being together and appreciating each other.

And damnit... that is what I want to do.

So Germany.....

No more fucking around.

I am losing my patience and that is never a good thing.....

Because when it comes down to it?

I have my Daddys temper, and it ain't always pretty.

Do you really want to push me?

Think about it.

You have until tomorrow morning to decide.

I hope for your sake that you decide the best course for your own safety and sanity.

Tschuss, you fucking douche.

and THIS is the song that I have been listening to on repeat for a couple hours now.... YOU do the math. It is the only thing that can make me smile besides DPH and Country Boy.... LOL... And I am in love with it...

IT'S HERE!!

2008-12-22T14:35:00.003+01:00

I GOT MY PACKAGE!!! YAY!! I haven't fully unpacked it yet... but I am going to paint some Christmas ornaments with Boo and eat candy canes... Cuz they don't have candy canes here... and I was JUST wishing for some!! Did everyone know that I have the most AMAZING freaking Mother ever?? Because I do!! My family ROCKS!!!

More to come later... and I think we are putting the Tree up tonight!! YEAH!!

New Years!

2008-12-21T22:40:00.003+01:00

I am going to Hamburg for New Years!!

and I have a free place to stay!!

Shit I am going to have so much stinking fun!!

I am in love with my new friends...

Seriously.

Feels like I have known them forever!

I am finally starting to really feel like myself again.

It is refreshing.

I didn't recognize the person I was for a few weeks.

It was a person I haven't been since I was an early teen.

A person I hated being back then.

A person that I struggled with for years.

A person that I conquered.

Because I am truly happy.

I am outgoing!

I am effervescent.

I am crazy!

I like to do things and be social!

So fuck you depression!

I kicked your ass!

And I will damn well do it again!

Also?? I am now obsessed with the song "Merry Fuckin' Christmas" - From South Park.

I don't know why the fuck I haven't heard it before..... But I have it on repeat right now... Good times... For Schnitzel!

Quick Update!!

2008-12-20T16:14:00.002+01:00

I had a blast last night!!

I made some seriously GREAT new friends! It felt like I had known them forever, we totally clicked! Loved talking and partying with them!

I am going to Hamburg with them for New Years! We are going to couch surf... I am going to get drunk!

Apparently all this girl needs to be happy is the sun shining bright, some good company and an Irish pub.... Check, Check and Check!

I met a ton of people. I have been facebook stalking and emailing all day.... LOL... I even have a few numbers.

I met a guy who works here in Edewecht. But I shall be putting him firmly in the friend zone... But lunch dates and other miscellaneous meetings would be more than welcome!

I got hit on by one of the members of the band playing in the pub. He was tiny... it was hilarious! The girls could not stop laughing... He seriously had the hots for me... poor guy, then I stood up... hehehe... At least I didn't have my 5 inch heels on... That would have been a serious doozy!

I am going to take a short "nap" now to sleep off the rest of this hangover.. I woke up feeling perfect, and then an hour later I had a headache and the whole "hangover" feeling.... you all know what I am talking about..

Then, I am going to meet J-me again and we are going to grab dinner (Mexican food, please cross your fingers that it is tasty!) and then go drink some Gluhwein at the Christmas Markt! Fuck it is going to be crowded... and with company it is going to be soo ooo ooo fucking fun!!

It's like you guys can almost see the smile on my face isn't it?? I feel so normal (as normal as I can get at least...) It is a relief to not feel horribly depressed!

So yeah... Nap time... Then I got to get ready and catch deee buuus!

Thanks for being my cheerleaders!!

Mal

Weather Forcast: Sunny with light showers.....

2008-12-19T13:57:00.002+01:00

Customs has my package from home. I won't be able to pick it up until Monday or Tuesday... They are going to make me open it... All because my mom insured it for "too much." Fuck you customs.... Fuck.... YOU!!!...

I'm just going to be my sweet little self and cry if they try and get me to open the presents... I'll make them do it, but I'll use my mad sneaky present unwrapping skills to open the presents without any damage, and then wrap them again after they have copped a peak. You didn't know I was good with tape, didya mom?? That's how I knew we were getting a Playstation.... just so you know now....

I'm upset about it... No doubt.. Tears have been shed, stuffed animals have been thrown (not in front of anyone), but I haven't screamed, I haven't yelled and I haven't completely blown my top. Look at me growing up!!

And?? It is sunny!! It's like the universe knew I was going to get an unexpected blow today and decided to give me a much needed pick me up! Thank you!

I know that it is stupid to be upset over a package. Material things aren't important, people are. But I just want to smell home... I want to touch something from them.... I know that I am being a fucking pussy. That I am a titty baby who needs to stop her whining, but I have to get this out. I can't make it go away. I have to work through this. So if you are tired of my bitching go read someone else's blog for awhile...

Not everything is complete shit though... I am meeting up with some people in Oldenburg tonight! I am going to have fun going out!

And oddly, Frenchie sent me an email and a E-Christmas card... It had a Cardinal in it... I am a sucker for Cardinals.. but that's a story for another time. He said he misses me and our spontaneous meetings... Yeah, I wouldn't mind more planning though. And that the last time we went out we were both in bad moods.... True..

Do I want to give him another chance?? I don't know... Help me out on this one peeps... but I am thinking no.... ...

Also? He said he is going to France soon... So in a few days I will really know whether he is really blog stalking me or if the hits I have on my sitemeter are odd ass coincidences...

Okay, I am going to run to the bank before they close... I need cash for the bus... and I really wish I could figure out the cash machine... Fuck me..... But I do need to exchange my dollars to Euros... Show me some love... I needs it.. XOXO

Weather Forcast: Currently Enjoying Germany

2008-12-18T23:34:00.002+01:00

Tonight was my German classes Christmas party.

And it was a festive event indeed... Barbara, from Poland, went all out with a table cloth and decorations. We gathered around the table like the little bunch of Orphans we are and enjoyed a multi-cultural Christmas dinner.

Granted, German isn't exactly my conversation method of choice, but I am improving every day!! Communication is becoming so much easier for me to achieve...... Successful communication, that is.

I had a ton of fun!! The food was good. Thai, Polish potato salad, a Turkish dish, some Italian wine, A Tajikistan*ish dish, Some seriously good apple bunt cake (Polish auch), and I brought Ranch dip... because my package still hasn't' come in the mail... and it was a pretty big hit.

We took a ton of pictures, goofing around, and after we let out, we had some time to kill so Arafamo and I decided to goof around in the train station. We took some more funny pictures.. a man took one of the two of us in front of the rainy train station, and I flirted with the Polizei...

Then I went to catch my bus, which as usual... was 10 minutes late... zimmer spat,fecking bus.... But I expected that... the 380 might as well be called the 3Latey, because it is always at least 10 minutes late... Karmic pay back for all the times I have been late in my life?? Probably. Still annoying as hell when I am freezing my ass off?? Certainly.

And tomorrow I am meeting up with some peeps in Oldenburg!! YAY!!! Go me making friends!! (God I sound retarded... Malskeys is making friends, finally... sheesh... Didn't think she ever would, what with her gimpy leg and her lazy eye... she is special....)

So I had a seriously good night! I would tell you more but I am tired and I kind of have a headache... So I am going nighty night and I will brag at you bitches again tomorrow!!

But seriously? Thanks for all your love and support!! It means a helluva lot to me.

Tschuss!

Fuck it!

2008-12-17T17:34:00.002+01:00

I am going to take John's advice... I am setting a date.

A date for when I will no longer give in to this funk that I keeping jumping in and out of like it's some sort of fucked up hop scotch game.

I love it when I have a great day... but I also hate the fact that the next day is absolute shit sometimes.... Today it hasn't been the whole day. Work was fun. We read, played games, and the other day we even made the cutest little Christmas ornaments.

I got online and goofed around before I decided to go run my errands..

and that is when it all went down hill... The ATM didn't have an english setting.. So I winged it... I thought I was successful, but no.. I just transferred some funds around.. I'm really not sure. AT... ALL... But no money came out.. even though it said something about 140 euro (I tried to get 70 euro twice) . I was pissed... I don't know what is up with that money.... and all I had wanted to do was convert the rest of my dollars to euros, but no, they were closed... at. four. o. fucking. clock... But only on Mondays and Wednesdays... Tuesdays and Thursdays they are open until 6.

So then I say fuck it... I will attempt to use my ATM card and go to the post office anyway to get a box, etc.....

Did you know that German post offices SUCK FUCKING ASSHOLES??

They didn't even have any boxes.

No, I am not shitting you.

I lost it.

A combination of just wanting to be back in Oklahoma for the Holidays (Seriously, what the FUCK was I thinking??), Frustration, and PMS.......

I went and locked my bike up and decided to take a walk.

I went to the Cemetery across the street. I don't know why, exactly, but cemeteries have always soothed me. They bring an inner peace to me.

So I spent around 30 minutes walking around dead people sobbing. Yes, sobbing. The hiccuping, snot nosed, whole body sobbing. At one point I was worried that my tears were going to freeze to my face.

Oh and did I mention that the weather is shit?? No? Well it is...

AND??? I broke my new glasses last night.. They fell off my head while I was brushing my teeth... Luckily I can fix them with a little super glue (assuming the Germans use super glue) or I can take them to the "Optika." But seriously?... My fucking glasses? Luckily I have my old pair... (and why do we call glasses a "pair" of glasses when there is only one??)

I just miss my family... I miss my friends... I miss my dogs... Whatever possessed me to believe that I would be "A OK" during the holidays needs to be drop kicked. Oh, it was me?? Never mind...it's not very nice to kick someone when they are already down....

While I was walking through the cemetery I was thinking about my family, and about all the kooky things we do and all the fun we have. I was thinking about how one of my aunts brought my Nana's ashes to My Aunt Caroles wedding this past July so she could "Be there"... (Yeah John, didn't know you were associating with a dead person did ya??)

I know I am bitching a lot. That I am a sissy baby. But I am happy to be here. I am learning a lot about myself and life lessons that I never would have come by other wise. Yes, it is fucking difficult. I am struggling to make it and keep my chin up. I am managing to keep a smile on my face 95% of the time and for that I am grateful. I can do this. I can live here and I can love it. I am a strong person. I have the strength to tackle this life I have created for myself. Because I did this. I chose this... I CAN FUCKING DO THIS!!!

So I am giving myself until the New Years. I am going to have good days, and I am going to have bad days.. Even after New Years.... But I am going to take these next 10-15 days, to reflect. To go inside myself and think.. I am going to embrace the shitty days and the good days... And I am going to self medicate... Because the one thing the Germans do well is offer booze for CHEAP!! Good bottles of wine for 2.99 baby!! Even when you convert that, it is a deal! And they sale/sell liquor in the grocery stores mutha fuckas! So even though I am in my own personal homesickness hell.. I am in Booze heaven!! And that just might make it okay, as long as I am consuming some!

Fuck I need to clean my room and do laundry.....

GUTEN MORGEN!!!

2008-12-17T14:14:00.000+01:00

Das ist alle!

"Go Fish", I fucking hate that game!

2008-12-16T22:46:00.003+01:00

1. Frenchie... I know you are reading... You can stop now... We aren't dating anymore, right?? I know I am a most interesting gal... Occasionally I have a serious potty mouth, but I am okay with that.. Enjoy your vacation, get your apartment situated... and leave my blog alone... Thanks... and Buh Bye!!

2. Sometimes I seriously want a tattoo... WTF... and the thing is, I don't even want one where people can see it. I want one that only I, or my lovers, could see.... AND one that I wouldn't have to necessarily look at when I am wrinkly... Because, yes, Frenchie, I DO want to live that long... Now stop reading my blog!!

3. I am craving Mexican food... Dirty, greasy, wish you hadn't eaten it, Mexican food... Basically, I am craving Senor Salsa's.... but I wouldn't mind Ricardo's... Would actually prefer it, because it doesn't give you the shits afterwards... and since Gok was already telling me I need to lay off the Avocados if I want a rim job anytime soon.... LMAO, who am I kidding, I have no sex life... My beautiful bod and early 20's are going down the drain. DOWN. THE. DRAIN. I tell you... I need to get laid... Meaningless sex anyone?? Meaningless sex.... And no, not you Frenchie.. you have eye boogers... Shoo now... Go!

4. I am a little shocked at how number 3 went from craving Mexican food, to a rim job, to my lack of a sex life... ADD much??

5. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I will learn German. I WILL BECOME FLUENT IN GERMANY!! I WILL BECOME FLUENT IN GERMAN!!! I WILL BECOME FLUENT IN GERMAN!! HELL YEAH!!

6. Ummmmm.... I think there is something wrong with the fact that I have had almost 4 glasses of wine and do not feel a thing... Damn... It will hit me when I go to the bathroom to get ready for bed, won't it... sheesh...

7. The unfinished Christmas tree in Oldenburg BUGS THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! It doesn't even have all of it's lights... What is up with THAT?? It has SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL!!!... And speaking of trees. The family I live with/work for bought a Christmas tree last Saturday, contrary to popular belief. They are just storing it in the Garage until who knows when.... My bets are on Christmas eve... But really... Poor tree has been banished to the garage... At least I know that my tiny little tree is SAFE and warm... READ THAT JOHN!! SAFE.... AND.... WARM!!!!! HA. HA!!

8. I don't really have much else to say but I don't feel like I should be done yet... wonder what that's about??

9. Oh, yeah.... and I am in MUCH better spirits at the moment!! MERRY CHRISTMAS FUCKAS!! Love you all Beetches!!

I'm not in a Funk, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

2008-12-16T14:27:00.003+01:00

Soooo... I know I haven't really been around the last few days....

Get over it ya titty babies...

Okay.. Sorry, I didn't mean it.. No really, I am sorry..

I'm just a little out of the Holiday spirit.

So what...

I'll get back in it.

I'm just feeling a little "Carri Bradshaw, when she finally moved to Paris, and then hated it because it was winter and she missed her fucking friends."

I always wanted to be like the chicks from Sex and the City... But in the "Has lots of Sex" way... not the "Depressed" way...

Can't I get it right?? Shit balls.

I just joined a couch surfing website and I am going to be emailing people in Oldenburg in hopes that I can get a group to meet me for drinks this weekend..

Because y'all? I have GOT to start making some more friends...

Fuck romance... That shit only goes so far....

And my one Au pair friend just went home last week...

Sooooo... yeah, friends... That is at the top of my To Do list.

Next on my list is mailing my families Christmas presents tomorrow.

Today I am going to get the last of the gifts. One in Oldenburg for my Papa bear and one at the Combi, again, for my Papa bear... And I wouldn't be adverse to something popping up that is perfect for my Mom....

Also on my To Do list for tomorrow?? TANNING!!!

Because I need some serious Vitamin D.

I'm talking 10 or 15 minutes max.... I have got to have it. I don't care.... And that is saying something because I hate tanning beds..

Okay, now I must go and get ready for class... The first time I have gone in THREE WEEEKS... due to illness, missed buses, and a date gone wrong...

So I'm going to go wash the chocolate off my chest and my face, wipe the stink off me and attempt to make myself presentable..

Hopefully I will come back from class with a hilarious story to tell!! or at least a genuine smile on my face!! Only time will tell.

Tschuss!!

I love my wittle Christmas tree!!

2008-12-12T13:14:00.003+01:00

I have a lot on my mind and a lot that I want to say.... like

Why do I miss Country Boy?? What is up with that?? Is it real, or is it safe?

I can't believe that some of my friends are parents.. It is so strange to me sometimes..

T isn't going to be back in Venice for the Holidays.... So I needs to find a new place to spend New Years... Because I am going somewhere... I am thinking Dublin (Ireland), Edinburgh (Scotland) or London (England)....

Yeah, pretty sure all is dunso in Frenchie land... It had so much potential... I hate to be so doom and gloom, but I'm pretty sure I insulted his country and he talked a lot about suicide yesterday... without me telling him about Troy... or at least HOW he had died... and it was weird.. Just... weird.

For the record. I missed Country Boy long before, and while, I dated Frenchie...

I need a vacation and I don't want to spend too much!! Hear that Universe?? Make it happen!!

Then there is the fact that I need to finish my Christmas shopping.. but it is fucking cold today and I really don't want to get out in it.... I rather feel like watching movies, making myself an egg with bread around it for dinner and drinking a few beers... Soooo I will finish my Christmas shopping tomorrow..... When the cold isn't so fucking wet... Because on days when it is wet like this you feel it in your bones... any other day is fine... like yesterday..... but ick.. I believe I will stay in my Jammies today thank you very much!! And look at my cute little Christmas tree! Which I am going to keep alive and plant in the spring!!

It's taking me a little longer, but I am turning this frown up side down.. It is amazing how much I am learning about myself right now..... Things that I didn't know.... Things that I knew but didn't realize effected me so much.. And I have to say I am rather proud of myself... for all my fuckuperies... and all my mis-adventures... I always stay true to myself.

Hope you all have a FANTASTIC Friday!! I will be online most of the day so feel free to drop me an email or chat me up! Unless I suddenly get a fire under my ass and decide I need to get out in this horrid weather.... Love you miss you!!

My bra is too tight....

2008-12-11T19:02:00.002+01:00

I think things may be waning with Frenchie. I like him, don't get me wrong. He is, essentially, a great guy. Says some stupid things but most of that can be blamed on the language barrier... But really guys... He didn't open the car door for me today... not once... and that is something that I can't overlook. Ever since I started dating, even before, it has been ingrained in me that men open doors for ladies... and even though it may be questionable whether I am a lady or not, I adhere to the belief that I am. And I expect to be treated as such. But he does open every other door. Just not car doors... Am I over-reacting?? If I am over-reacting do I really care? No..... And I think he wasn't feeling it either.. Maybe it's because I am still feeling the languidness that goes along with having been so sick, or maybe it's because I wasn't feeling it. But "we" were off today.. And our good bye sounded so final, and he didn't even try to kiss me. Not even on the cheek, which at that point was cool with me... Sooooooo... If we have ended after our short run, fare the well..... If it was just an awkward ending to the evening because you didn't know what to make of a calm and passive Malskeys... I will see you tomorrow night. All in all though... "Tschuss!"

Also, I bought myself a tiny cute little Christmas tree today. Which I will semi decorate tonight and finish decorating tomorrow after Boo and I color some of the cute wooden decorations I bought!! YAY!! CHRISTMAS!!! GO ME!!! And it is real... It came potted... yes, with dirt... for real!!... Let's see how long I can keep my new tree alive y'all!! Maybe I can plant it in the spring!!!

Ode to Troy

2008-12-09T17:51:00.011+01:00

You are one person who inspired me so much. After I won my first pageant you didn't write me off completely and ignore the potential I had... And more than that, you befriended a scared girl with horrible hair. You took me under your wing and gave me "Victoria Secret" hair, which I promptly ran my fingers through and you could have shot me... But you didn't, it became our thing... you would cut my hair but not fully style it afterwards, knowing I would never, in a million years, be able to keep my fingers out of it.

In the beginning we just had fun. I would get my hair done and we would goof around. Talk. Bond.

Then we became friends. You'd invite my mother and I to your birthday parties. We'd go out to the gay bars and terrorize the boys.

One of the only times in my life that I have wanted to kill my mother, you were there. She was toasted... And hilarious events ensued... That night became a signature story to tell others... You would introduce us to new people and reenact the exact moment my mother could no longer hold her stomachs contents.. It was priceless! (sorry mom)

I loved you more though, because you were so down to earth. Instead of freaking out, you took it in stride and never let her live it down, laughing all the while. Believe me, now that you are gone I will continue to harass her about it every opportunity I get. She will never live it down, and every time we reenact the moment she "kinda" hurled on/in your car. We will remember you with only the best memories.

You taught me how to deal with my hair. My unruly, hellacious, utterly frustrating hair. And baby it looks good! I had so many compliments on my hair, and I always loved telling them that Troy had done it... Not Larry, the freaking tub of...... never mind. This isn't the place for that... But I know it would make you laugh that I went there, so it stays. I had people left and right asking me if you had put in extensions because my hair looked "So great" but no... we did that... You cut it perfectly and taught me just how to handle it! What am I going to do without your base cuts.. They would last me forever...

You made me laugh when on my 21st birthday at Miss OK you snuck up to me and told me you wanted to sneak me in a margarita, but didn't want me to get into trouble.. Because I knew that if we wouldn't have been caught. You would have hooked me up in an instant.

And seriously? Thank you for always accepting me for who I am. I am an odd ball. We met through pageants and that is how we bonded and truthfully, that is when we saw each other the most. But I will never forget chowing down at Chilis after Miss O... Chugging Margaritas like they were water and you goofing around with Holly. She liked you a lot. She doesn't like many people like that.

I am going to miss making fun of you for your Barbie collection. I am going to miss gossipping with you about pageants. I am going to miss checking out hot guys with you. I am going to miss my Hair God. I am going to miss the side eyes and the half smiles as we "talked" and nudged about someone as they were right there.

You were an amazing friend! I love you and I can't believe that you are gone. I don't know what could have driven you to take your own life. But know that only the good memories will live on. Memories that I could go on and on about. We had some great times. And right now as I am remembering them all it is hard to pick which ones to immortalize on this blog. Because there is so much more to you than the freaking pageants we made fun of, even when I was competing... LOL... You were a good person. An amazing person! Someone I am lucky to have met, and to have influenced my life. You helped with my inner confidence and you always gave me a boost when I needed it most! Thank you for your faith in me! It came at a time when I needed it most! Your acceptance of the odd ass person I am helped me accept myself and helped me force others to accept me... or not accept me. Whatever... I was happy either way. And for that I thank you!

I hope this ode is just the right amount of serious and play. Because we did a lot of both! I am going to miss you more than written words can express. *Kisses*

Malskeys

My dad liked Troy...

Troy is in the black cowboy hat... He volunteered for this fundraiser at my seesters High School... He judged the wilted rose pageant. It was a blast!!

The two of us... He always had a better pageant stance than I did... It was his goal to beat me out.. but seriously, look at his posture!! Awesome!

Just fixin my hair for a photo shoot... nothing unusual, all in a days work... We had a lot of fun goofing around that day.. And did I mention he didn't point and laugh at Holly when she wanted to wear one long earring in ONE ear and it wasn't even pierced and then pulled her hair to the side in her pic to SHOW IT!! like a little emo weird child... he he he.. I need to find that picture... He just called her Mini Mal and chuckled with my mom... While I was stuttering at the strangeness of my youngest seester...

I'll always love you Troy Bear!! Thank you for all your support and friendship! It meant the world to me!! YOU FUCKING ROCK!!!!!

And then she said "Fuck!"

2008-12-09T14:45:00.004+01:00

I'm about a hop, skip and a jump away from getting hay fever... You know. The one where you are stuck inside for an EXTENDED period of time, let's say a week, and you start to go bat shit crazy? Yeah... THAT ONE!

I have been inside this house for a week.... a whole fucking week. The only time I have left it was to go to the doctor... I. AM. GO. ING. NUTS!! I have things I want to get done. I was on a deadline for Christmas shopping and I. was. meeting. my. deadline!!

THEN, Wham Bam Thank You Mam, and I am laid out in bed for a week ~~near death~~ with Tonsillitis. Now I still have Christmas shopping to do, AND I will have to mail it!!.... C, my host mom, asked me if I knew that mailing it was going to be expensive...... I almost rolled my eyes, snorted, and told her "Duh, I wasn't born yesterday... Sheesh, but thanks..." Instead I really said "Yes, I know, but thank you.."

SEE??? I AM ABOUT TO GO FUCKING CRAZY!!! And I am SOO not kidding... But really... When is the postal service anywhere inexpensive... That's what I thought. ......

I need to do something... OOO... I've got an idea... Maybe I can get Frenchie to come pick me up... Plan in progress, text message sent. I have started to miss him the past two days... Little things.. Like his eyes when he laughs... even though he has the goofiest laugh... and the way he is so affectionate... Which is funny because, a day or so before then, I hadn't missed him, per say, but I would have liked to have seen him.... Do you understand the minute difference between the two?? No? Well I do!! That must mean I am more intelligent!! hahahaha....... shut up! stop laughing at me!! You are supposed to laugh WITH me!! Get on with the program people!! The "We don't laugh at the shortbus" program.... OR people who have to wear helmets... because if you say ONE more thing about my rhinestone studded helmet John I might beat you with the CDs I my mom finally sent you!! Got it?? Rainbows and butterflies better be the only comments coming out of your ass!!

I want Mexican food!! Or Sushi!! Or, or... Asian Sugar Donut Thingys and Chicken LO MIEN!!!!! Who would ever have thought I would miss Edmond as much as I do right. this. moment... and Chilis... Fuck I miss Chilis!!

Yep, still snowing... Just looked out the window.. They aren't the huge snowflakes they started out as... le fucking sigh... Not good

Forgive my potty mouth my little loves... Hay Fever... remember??

I am just trying to figure out if the universe is trying to tell me to GO OUT or STAY HOME... Because the snow could mean go out... I LOVE SNOW!! I think it is the most romantic "element" in, well, in EVER!! in creation! IN THE WORLD!! And I love it! BUT... It could be trying to tell me that this is just one more thing and I shouldn't be riding my bike through it... which really folks?? I shouldn't. So I guess if I can get lover boy to come pick me up I will flee this joint. and if I can't get ahold of him (AKA he thinks I am dead) I will stay home and say and type the word FUCK a lot more.... LIKE WAYYYYY MORE!! Like...

"fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKfuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKfuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKfuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK "

And then when boo gets home I will just walk around the house shaking, with a slight stutter to my speech repeating.. "duck duck duck duck duck duck duck...."

Sooo because I am falling back into my homesick induced depression where my mind races and spouts off all the shit that is better about Oklahoma and living at my parents house without my own bedroom, but I had the dogs, and my parents, and my seesters, and my friends and Country Boy and a million other people who would do anything for me when I was sick at any given moment if they were available... they would have put me in a warm vehicle and taken me to a movie or the fucking mall... Given me home made soup and... and... and.... FUCK, I'm doing it AGAIN!!

Sooo... as I was TRYING to say... I am going to list off the things that I love here!! That are SOOO much better than in Oklafuddyduddyhoma!!

- I can walk around town with a beer in my hands, DRINKING IT, and only the Polish look twice... No one else gives a shit!

- The chocolate is AMAZING!! and it is dirt cheap!

- BEEEERRRRR The dark wheat beer is to die for.

- The wine is soooooo yummy and soooooo cheap!!

- I have a man... a man who was really worried about me yesterday thinking I was in the hospital or had fallen even more ill, because I passed out before I responded to his email... He is so sweet!

- Tickets to another country are DIRT cheap if I look in the right places!! 75 Euro to Dublin? 65 Euro to Milan? HELL YEAH!!! Now if the weather will improve and winter will hurry up and end... I will start travelling my ass off!!

- My possibilities are endless!! What I can do, where I can go! Who I will meet! I will have one of EVERYTHING please!!

- At the end of this year?? I will know, for sure, whether I can handle having kids of my own or not... Whether I even WANT kids of my own.... LOL

- Have I mentioned the travelling?? Cuz seriously!!!

- Through a combination of exercise and illness I have managed to lose some weight... LOL... not intentional of course... but, aren't we looking on the bright side!??!!

There is more but I have to go work on another post for a little while. So check back later for more!

I didn't end up in Oldenburg.. But I have talked to Frenchie and I talked to my Mom for 2 hours and I am feeling peppier..... .... ...

I love you guys!! Thank you for always being there for me!

*Update: I know it is Cabin Fever now... Thank you.... I a crazy ass THEATRE MAJOR and you bitches still had the balls to correct me... Color me impressed... Which is actually, believe it or not, HAY COLORED!!! FUCK!

I got this email from my Daddy today.

2008-12-08T23:19:00.003+01:00

"I truly do miss my little girl, especially this time of year.

My thought’s never wander very far from you, and though I always knew that the day would come for you to jump out on your own, it doesn’t make the fact any easier.

The consolation for me is to know that though our positions and locations have changed, nothing can change our relationship.

You will always be my little girl, and when I get to missing you the most, then I just force myself to recall one of our moments !

I Love You Very Much.

Dad."

This is what I want for my kids one day. I want to marry a man who will love our children as much as my Dad loves my seesters and I. I know that if I truly needed him, or any member of my family, they would drop everything and fly across the world to help me. I appreciate that so much, and I am so lucky! The relationship that I have with my parents is not a "usual" one, and for that I am even more grateful. I can talk to my parents about anything.

I'm not sure exactly where I was going with this post..... soooo.... Comment at will....

Some pictures I took on a walk with Boo last Monday.

2008-12-07T23:09:00.004+01:00

Title? What Title???

2008-12-07T21:57:00.002+01:00

I have been making a TON of lists in my head. At heart, I am a list maker, I just don't always remember them later, or follow them exactly... Because, well... I am also a rule breaker, an insignificant rule breaker. Unless I think your rules are bullshit and then I walk all over them. So I guess I am a Bullshit rule breaker also.

Whatever that means.

I am a complex human being, the meaning behind the things I do doesn't always have to be revealed.. Does it?

Anyways. I have been making lists. I finally put on paper (or notebook, whatever) and tallied up what I have eaten in the last 5 days since I have been sick. Here it is folks......

-3 corn bread muffins... yum
-Taco/Enchilada Casserole
-Chips and salsa (maybe 10 chip fulls.... maybe)
-1 1/2 apples
-chicken broth.
-A small slice of bread.
-Half a sandwich
-4 pieces of thumbnail sized chocolate.

And that's it.... In five days!

That is like A MEAL.... or at least an entire DAYS worth of meals... WOW.... No wonder I've lost a ton of weight huh?? Go on the Tonsillitis diet people... You'll lay in bed for 5 days and not eat! It's GREAT!...

NOOOOTTTT!!!!!

I'd rather gain weight than feel this shitty again. Seriously. I've missed out on SOOO much! And being this cooped up and feeling so horrid only made me feel homesick again... When I had JUST gotten over my last bout with it... LOL...

So I am embracing this feeling of "Cest La Vive" and tomorrow is going to be a new day! A new day where I go out and finish my Christmas shopping! (Keep those fingers crossed for me!! Fingers, legs and Toes!! Unless you are in a whoring line of work.. Then just fingers and toes!! Thanks y'all!)

I need adventure!!

2008-12-07T15:38:00.003+01:00

I want to go crazy and go dancing.

I want to laugh like I don't have a care in the world. Until my stomach hurts and my cheeks are aching.

I want to dance like nobodies watching... Get ready people... If you see a Brunette doing the "Elaine" Dance in your vacinity.... point and laugh or join in... Either way I will be having hella fun!

I want to travel!

As soon as I T lets me know when she gets back to Venice from the states I will be booking my tickets to get there... Whatever is cheapest... Plane/Train...... I did find an OBSENELY cheap flight that I wanted to grab up immediately, it was so good.. But I don't know when she is going to be back for sure so I didn't want to buy it yet.

But I seriously need an evening of dinner and dancing! I want to go Salsa dancing!! And I want to eat spicy food!!

Maybe this coming weekend in Portugal would be perfect for me! I will be around someone I know from home. AND I WILL BE IN PORTUGAL!! I'm just not sure if I will feel 100% by then, ya know?? Which would suck...

But I have to admit with my new little regimen that I have set up for myself of:

- Actually eating!
- Antibiotics
- Gargling salt water.... (I had completely forgotten how well it works!!)
- And taking a few pain pills a day.

I feel SOOOO much better...

I know I'm not ready to over do it or take on the world or anything, but it is a HUGE improvement from the pitiful ball of mush I had been. I even had a really good nights sleep last night! Coincidentally, I picked my room up too and took 2 Advil PM... But whatevah...

Well. I am going to get dressed, and cook some sweet cornbread muffins!!

You guys rock!!!

"Tschuss!"